Alone

Blame

"I don't hate you, I haven't and I won't. I wouldn't have looked for you for days if I did, I didn't even look for you out of worry alone, I looked for you because I like you being around me and I didn't want to lose you. That's why I've been in this room with you for ninety-five percent of the past two days, because I care about you. Yeah it may seem creepy that I had to rub gel on you and watch you closely and change your clothes, but I had to take on those things because there's no doctors or nurses left and I care about you too much to just not do it."
He stopped for a moment and looked down at the floor. "I had never seen a person so close to death, you were so limp and your breaths were so small, I actually thought you were for a minute... I was scared. And after I brought you back you started whimpering and I tried different things to help and... you just kept doing it." There was another small silence. "I felt like it was my fault, I still do. The whole time I just wanted to tell you that I fight with you because I'm sad and scared. I am just... so, so sorry." His words had felt like they were not only the only sound in the room, but the world, and they most likely actually were at that moment.

"Don't blame yourself, it was me. It was all just a mistake and a few bad actions that we should put behind us. Thank you for taking care of me." I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, well I still have quite a bit more of taking care of you to do. Are you finished eating?"

"Yeah, I don't think I can stomach anymore." With that he took the plate and the opened soda and placed them on the nightstand.

"Alright. Now let's get those pajamas off." He said casually. I froze and my eyes widened. "I think this will feel pretty good for you."

"What?" My mouth sputtered out but he was already sat on the edge of the bed tugging at my shirt as I relentlessly held onto it.

"Aloe gel. Come on then, you have burns under there on your upper back." I released my clutched shirt nervously and he gently began to pull it off careful of brushing the burns with the shirt. He positioned himself sat behind me and I heard the pop of a cap. Next thing I knew cool jell and Dan's hands were on my back. I felt him take ahold of my hair and hold it up like a makeshift ponytail as his large hand gently glided on the back of my neck.

"You know you wouldn't have these back here if you had just put your hair down."

"Thanks for reminding me of yet another mistake I made." I said earning a small snort of amusement from him.

I inaudibly sharply inhaled in surprise when I felt him hook a finger under one of my bra straps and slide it down my shoulder, still being careful. There was now a cooling sensation and Dan's fingers on my shoulder making me take another deeper breath that I know he heard.

"Feels good doesn't it?"

"Yeah." I choked out.

He them moved onto the other shoulder carefully pulling the second strap down.

"It already looks like it's starting to heal, definitely a lot better than it was a few days ago. The plus side is that after this starts to peel you'll have that sweet ass tan you've been after." He actually made me laugh. "Okay, time to do the arms." He said and got up to come around and sit back on the side of the bed in front of me.

"I can just do it mys-"

"Nope. This is helping me just as much emotionally as it is you physically. It's like therapy for the both of us." It took me a moment to understand that he meant it was helping him feel less guilty, and maybe he enjoyed it beyond that like I did. Probably not though, he most likely thought there was nothing sexy about rubbing gel on burns as I thought, he was probably normal.

He took my arms and in no time at all he was finished with them.

"And now your legs, lay back." I did as he instructed and he gently rolled my pajama pants up to my thighs. I felt nervous and cursed myself for wearing shorts.

His hands started at my ankle and slowly made their way up to my shin, the knee.
He's not going to touch my bare thigh is he? Surely not. He wouldn't.

When his hand went above my knee I started to feel myself internally squirm.

Then his hands drifted over my thigh.
My heart raced and I almost yelled.

"Right, Let's not spend too long here. On to the next one." He seemed a bit awkward about it, I was still screaming inside like a damn tea kettle. As he started on the next leg I looked down at him. His fringe hung down as his head was down concentrating on my burnt legs.
Then he looked up at me and caught me looking down at him.

"Am I hurting you?" He suddenly paused to ask.

"No."

"Oh." Was his reply before moving onto my second thigh. The air felt tense, but I'm sure it was just me.

When he was done I actually felt quite soothed and relaxed enough to let out a yawn.

"Tired still?" He seemed almost in disbelief.

"Completely drained." I answered.

"I mean it is probably like two in the morning and you do have sun poisoning." He said as he got up and came around to the other side of the bed and to my surprise, crawled in.
I just stared at him for a moment before asking what he was doing.

"Do you not want me to sleep here? I thought it'd be a good idea to if you needed something. I've been sleeping here for the past two nights to watch over you and I guess I just didn't think about it before jumping into bed with you."

"Oh." I said feeling stunned. I couldn't get the image out of my head of dan holding onto me in this bed while I sleep for two days straight. He began to get up but I quickly grabbed his hand.

"No." Spilled out of my mouth quickly causing him to freeze. "It's okay."

"Are you sure? I don't have to."

"I might need you for something." I didn't realize what I said and how bad it sounded in this context, but lucky neither did he. He climbed back into the bed.

"Wait." I said stopping him again. "Could you get the light?"

"I thought you were afr-"

"I'm not." I cut him off. He crossed the room and turned off the light and I felt the bed sink in shortly after.

"Just wake me up if you need anything." He said and I felt him roll in the bed beside me.

"Thank you, I will. Night Dan."

"Night Amelia." He answered and the room went quiet.

I still felt quite sick, but I felt safe with Dan here with me and even though our bodies weren't touching, just knowing he was there was nice.