Fly // 5sos au

01

Dear Luke,

I love you. Luke, you’ve changed me in ways I can’t fathom. You were a friend when I needed one and a lover when I was ready. Nobody has ever made me so happy. You’re the first thing I see in the morning, and the last thing I see at night. God, I wish you were the last thing I see. What I would to do have you in my arms my right now. Luke, I’m scared. And if you were beside me, you’d talk to me saying that it’s okay, that I’ve lived my life to the extreme YOLO, and that I’ll make it out. I have lots of things to thank you for, and I’m sorry I won’t be able to tell them to you in person. Thank you for telling me that I was beautiful. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for putting up with Calum’s shit. I know he’s difficult, but I love him too and I’m happy he didn’t kill you when he wanted to XD.

Now even though you’ll probably never see me again, dead or alive, I want you to be happy. Not that sad little grump like I know you’ll want to be. Don’t push the boys away. And most importantly, move on. I love you, and I want you to move on if I don’t live. I want you to be safe and happy and musical just like the Luke I know. I can’t tell you enough, I love you I love you I love you. I know I made a promise to come back home soon, and you know I wanted that more than anything. I can’t believe I was finally done with her, that I was finally gonna live with my dad and you guys, when I have to die. It’s not far, and this is totally cliché, but life isn’t fair. But you know what? I’m going to make your life bubbly and happy and fair as your guardian angel. I’ll kiss you goodnight, wherever you are. I wish that we’d never end. It always will be you, Luke. I don’t wanna go. I want to come home. Wherever you are. My heart. My love. You're everything I need. I wish I could just live of loving you, because then I’d be living forever. I’m just a sucker for anything that you do. But, all this wishing doesn’t help. Like Hazel Grace said, “The world is not a wish granting factory”. That book helped me understand death, Luke. Could you read The Fault in Our Stars? for me? I want you to read it please.

You can say we’ll be together, someday, but nothing lasts forever. Nothing stays the same. I’m trying to find the words to say… I just really love you. And all the memories we share, will always be there. You can’t undo the past. I used to not understand if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. But I regret nothing. I would do everything over again.

(You like? -m)