Meant For You

No One Tells You

Chapter 31: No One Tells You

--- Harry POV ---

Sometimes it’s just difficult to even begin to explain how you’re feeling. Sometimes it’s difficult to even feel what you’re feeling.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’ve had to make it look as though I’m completely unaffected or maybe it’s because  I don’t want people to know what I’m feeling, but whatever the reason, I’ve turned into an emotionless zombie. Or at least around other people I have.  It sounds weird but I just can’t even think about anything anymore. Everything I think only reminds me of her, and then anything that reminds me of her reminds me that she’s not mine anymore.

I do remember when I woke up the day after she broke up with me. The night before I think I passed out, for some strange reason. Maybe it was because my body and mind couldn’t even begin to handle the pain that I was experiencing in that moment, or maybe it was shock… people can pass out from shock right? Even so, when I woke up the morning after, I just sat staring at the ceiling of my bunk for a good two hours. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the dark cocoon I’d made for myself behind the curtain of my bunk. If I stayed there I could almost make myself believe that the night before had been a nightmare. Alas, when the boys came and checked up on me, my false reality was shattered. After that there was no point in trying anymore.

When we broke up two months ago I had no idea what I had. I had no idea what I was losing. Actually, that’s a lie. I knew exactly what I’d lost as soon as she said that she couldn’t do it anymore and that there wasn’t any ‘us’ anymore at all. 

I’d lost the love of my life.

That sounds really dramatic but the truth of those words are so real to me that I find it hard to even think about living on days that I let it sneak into my mind. 

I stare at the computer infront of me. Management says that I need to do a twitcam to show the fans that I’m still here and I can still ‘smile that smile’ as management put it. I don’t want to start it. I don’t want to let anyone see me on what is supposed to be my down time. This is supposed to be the time that I can use to just sit, staring at nothing. It’s kind of my thing now.  

Hearing a soft knock at the door I let my head gratefully swivel towards the sound and the person who is standing in my doorway. Niall. He’s got his guitar in his hands and he looks at me sadly.

“I heard about the twitcam. Thought I’d come help, you know, if you want to sing anything.” He hints to me. God, these boys know me so well. It hadn’t even crossed my mind to sing something to the people watching, but now that he’s mentioned it I know that I have the perfect song to go with how I’m feeling.

“Thanks Nialler. I don’t want to do this but at least now I don’t have to do it alone.” I nod at him, turning my attention back to the screen and the button that I have to press to start the twitcam. 

“You know, as crazy as it might sound I think that singing all of it out will help you. Like therapy. You’ve been so down and none of us can stand to see you like this. When you do this twitcam, it’ll be the longest you’ve spoken to anyone in months. I bet they miss your voice, I bet everyone’s missed your voice.” He smiles at me and I attempt to smile back. 

I really don’t want to do this. 

“I suppose that I’ll have to do this eventually. There’s only so long a person can remain silent for. Know this now though, I’m not the same person. I don’t want to be. The me before lived for her, but he can’t anymore.” I don’t elaborate I just let Niall ponder over what I’ve said. I don’t plan on moving on from her, but they don’t need to know that. No one needs to know that.