Meant For You

Just Help Me

Chapter 33: Just Help Me

— Hope POV —

As I walked along the rows of head stones my eyes searched for one in particular.  

I didn’t know if I could do this, not alone… I only ever went with mum or Ivy.

My feet drag along the floor as I slowly make my way closer and closer to where I know my father is remembered. It doesn’t take long before I finally find it.

Here lies James Liam Cameno

Beloved husband and Father.

Taken before his time but never forgotten.

I stand before the stone for a long time, just letting the breeze ruffle my unrestrained hair. Letting it blow across my face, not caring that the raven locks were obscuring my view. When I finally find my voice it comes out surprisingly strong but so, so hollow.

“Hi Daddy. It’s been a long time. I don’t really know what to say, you know?” I try to swallow the sudden emotions coursing through me but I know I’m close to loosing control. “You’ve been gone for almost five years now and I wish every single day that you were still here. I miss you so much but I’m also so angry.” I say suddenly falling to the ground and pounding my fist into the dewy ground in front of his headstone. “I’m angry with myself, and with you and with everybody. Damnit! I’m angry at you because you were supposed to be here! You were supposed to be there to fight off all the boys who tried to hurt me, the ones who did. You were supposed to be there when Cory took away my innocence and then left me!” I scream at the gravestone. So now you know. I have hated Cory ever since that day, just a few months after dad died I slept with him, thinking that he’d make me feel better. He didn’t. He took what was precious to me and left, all the while feeling revolted with my scar as he’d pointed out. I was only 15 at the time, how young and stupid I was.

“You’re supposed to be here. And… and I can’t help but think that I shouldn’t be. When that truck came over the top of that hill, and I was screaming at you, I thought that we’d both die. I would’ve preferred if we’d both died or you had survived. You have another daughter but dad, there was only one you.” I sigh as I say this, feeling my warm salty tears streaking down my cheeks. “I haven’t talked to you in a while, but now, now I need your help. I just don’t know what to do.” I take a deep breath before moving to sit cross legged in front of the gravestone. Dad isn’t really there though, he was cremated and his ashes returned to the Earth as we scattered them out in the countryside, for him to be free and his essence forever rolling on those open hills.

“I met this boy a year ago. You would’ve loved him daddy. He’s funny and caring and everything good in this world. When I met him, I couldn’t stop staring into his eyes and when our hands touched… I can’t even explain, I felt like I was suddenly so alive.” A faint smile works its way upon my face, and I don’t even try to bat it down. “I think it was love, even then, when I’d just met him. I was so sure that I was destined to be with him. What I didn’t know when we met was that he was in a boy band. Can you believe that daddy? Me, loving a member of a boy band? Do you remember how I’d rant about them being stupid, and how you’d laugh and say that I never knew what the future held and for all I knew I could fall in love with one? Well Daddy, you were right. I fell so desperately in love with him. I put up with the paparazzi when we finally made our relationship public. I put up with all of their fanbase and their snide comments. I put up with it all because I love him.” I sigh because that’s the truth. Despite everything that’s happened I’m still irrecoverably in love with Harry. “His name is Harry. Harry Styles and I still love him so much. I never really thought that I’d be able to feel again when you left us. I didn’t feel for four years and then suddenly Harry turns up. He made me feel again. He loved me so passionately and made me remember what living could be like. Everything was so perfect and then I screwed the whole thing up.” My eyes fill with tears again as I remember our last conversation. My hand reaches subconsciously up to the locket that still rests around my neck. I can’t take it off. I couldn’t bear the thought of taking it off.