a phoenix in the fire » fillie

chapter 7 ↝ all time low

EVERY TIME I LET IT SINK IN THAT I WILL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN, I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE FROM THE PAIN.

The police had confirmed it. It was Millie's body. Finn will never forget the pain he saw on Winona's face. Her eyes widened like she had been punched, and she collapsed into a chair. Tears flowed freely from her eyes, and she wailed.

She cried for a lost daughter. She cried at the injustice. Winona cried at the feeling of pain because she never had the chance to say good-bye to her daughter. Blood didn't connect Winona and Millie. It didn't have to.

Winona wanted to hold Millie's funeral a week later. She called Sadie, Gaten, Caleb, Noah, and Finn to her office and asked them to each say something.

"It doesn't have to be long, only a few minutes," Winona sniffled. She was wearing a blue dress. Blue was one of Millie's favourite colours.

"I- we will have our little speeches ready by next week," Sadie shakily said.

"Back to class then," Winona emptily smiled and gave them all late passes.

A week passed too quickly. The group found themselves at the church. Church bells rang.

Finn, who had run late, walked into the church. He hugged Winona and continued to the front of the church where Sadie, Caleb, Gaten, and Noah were all sitting in the first pew. Classmates and parents were sitting in the other pews. The church was full. Millie had an impact on everyone. Finn stared at the picture of a smiling Millie. It was displayed next to her casket. White, baby pink, and lavender flowers decorated the altar. White roses laid on the casket.

Sadie grabbed at Finn's arm, attempting a supportive smile. He sat down next to her. Caleb was on the other side of Sadie. Noah sat at the end of the pew, and Gaten was sandwiched between Sadie and Noah.

"They picked a pretty picture of her," Finn whispered.

"That's Millie, pretty in life and death," Sadie replied.

"More like popular in life and death," Caleb said and looked at the nearly full church. He wrapped his arm around Sadie, who waved at her eyes and tried not to cry.

The priest entered and started the service. Finn drowned it out until it was time for them to give their eulogies.

Sadie was first to speak. She slowly stood and made her way to the podium. She weakly smiled and tucked a strand of her ginger hair behind her ear.

"Millie was a bright and beautiful and strong woman who lived freely. Millie was my best friend. We were incredibly close. She taught me so many things, particularly to never stop caring. She loved and loved with such an open and caring heart," Sadie suddenly paused. She blinked away tears and continued. "Her favourite book was Paper Towns by John Green. I remember when she first read that book. She could not stop talking about it," she lightly laughed, and the congregation joined in. "Her favourite quote from that book was 'The town was paper, but the memories were not.' I know that no one will ever forget what Millie did. She was an amazing friend, talented actress, beautiful singer, and an all around kind person." Sadie exhaled shakily. She went to go sit back down. Caleb pulled her into a hug, and she broke down crying.

Gaten was next. He shuffled up to the podium, unfolding his piece of paper. "To continue on with what Sadie said, I- I'm gonna miss her," his eyes burned brightly with tears. He stuttered, letting out a nervous laugh. "Sorry, nervous, um, Millie was just amazing, and I think everyone already knows that. Millie didn't deserve to go out this way, but I know she would have loved this. She would have loved that everyone came together to remember her, and I know that that doesn't make what happened okay, but I hope she finds peace. Her catchphrase was 'love and light.' In honour of her, I want to continue to spread her positivity around. Thank you."

Caleb reluctantly let go of Sadie and passed Gaten. "Hi, um, I thought I could actually wing this since thinking and having to write about Millie is just incredibly hard, but Millie was one of my very good friends. We had a nice friendship, and I'm glad to keep her in my memory. Millie was special. She was that one in a millie-ion, pardon my pun, but she really meant something to all of us. I know that I am forever blessed to have met the amazingly talented Millie Bobby Brown."

Noah stood and walked to the podium with his part of the speech. "I really cannot just imagine a world without Millie. Millie made us all feel important. If we were ever sad, we could go to her. She helped make a safe haven at school from bullying. Millie was the sister I never had. I wish God didn't take her so soon. She was just beginning on a journey. I think she would have gone very far in life. She gave us something that cannot be taken away. Life is superficial. It's the memories that matter, not the fact that she died. She left us with these indelible memories. I know I will never forget Millie."

Finn made his way to the altar, sighing. "Well, I'm not really sure what else I can add since everything I wanted to say has been said already. Millie deserves this- being remembered. She loved everyone deeply, and I really, I'm going to miss her. I'm going to miss her quirky little habits. But I know Millie can never truly die. She'll live on in our memories," Finn finished and sat back down.

Winona rubbed her hands together as she took her place at the podium. With a solemn expression, she ended the service with her eulogy. "Thank you all for coming to remember Millie. Millie was my daughter. I will never forget the day I adopted Millie. My sister was pregnant. She died in a car accident with her husband. The doctor managed to save her baby, and parental rights were given to me. It didn't matter that Millie was my sister's daughter. I became her mother, and I thank God for every single moment I spent with Millie. I know she's now in heaven with her biological mother and father. I know none of us will ever see Millie again, but I know that every day spent with her will be cherished in everyone's hearts. Thank you, everyone."

Finn and his friends stayed in the pew. They couldn't stop staring at the picture of Millie. It was taken at the beginning of school, at the kick-off dance. Millie wore a silvery sparkly crystal-embedded dress with an illusion neckline. Finn remembered how the light reflected off of it. It was one of the prettiest things he had ever seen her in.

"Are we okay?" Sadie asked.

"We'll heal," Noah definitively said. "One day, we'll stop crying we hear her name."

"Every time I let it sink in that I will never see her again, I think I might actually die from the pain," Finn murmured.

"Retweet," Caleb tried to joke, but they were all in such a depressed mood that the joke had no effect.

"I'm going to miss her," Sadie whispered. "I don't think I'll get over this."

"It's possible that none of us will heal," Finn said, turning to look at his friends. They mirrored him with stony expressions and vulnerable emotional eyes.

"We'll remember Millie, and like Noah said, somewhere along the way, our tears are going to stop," Sadie sighed.

Finn couldn't look away from the picture of Millie. It couldn't be real. His phone dinged with a text message, and they worriedly looked at it. Finn opened the text and felt his heart stop.

"Kiss me on the mouth and set me free. -M"