Intertwined - Jon Cozart x Dodie Clark fic

Chapter 8 - It's Worth It

*Dodie's P.O.V.*

I'm very pleased with the way When turned out. I'm not putting it on my channel just yet - if I'm releasing it, I'm going to do it with string accompanying it, but I don't play the violin. I'll have to figure out how to do that. Ah, well, I'll figure it out later on. Currently, Jon and I are on a McDonald's run - we were watching Make Happy and completely forgot about food, so it's now dark outside. Street lights illuminate the footpaths below and all those underneath them, families, individuals, couples alike. The stars aren't very present tonight, but the ones that are shine brightly and I can see that same shimmer in Jon's eyes. He pulls up to the drive-thru and we order - he's at the point now where he doesn't even need to ask what my order is, because he knows it already, and in no time we're sitting in a McDonald's parking lot chomping down on fries, discussing art. Or, to sound less pretentious, stage theatre, musicals, everything inbetween.

'Sometimes, when I'm bored I go and cast people I know in to musicals. Is that strange? Like, the last time we were on tour with Tessa, I just looked at her for a moment and thought to myself, "Wow. She'd make a stunning Audrey." Because she would, wouldn't she?' 

'Audrey's the girl from Little Shop Of Horrors, right?'

'Yeah, that's her. I dunno, I seem to do that with different people I meet. I'm introduced to someone, and I go: 'Oh, whoop, you're a Penny Pingleton. He's a Billy Flynn.' Name any Youtuber I've met in person and I've probably casted them. On the other hand though, I always think about where people would cast me.' Huh. I've never thought about that before. It takes me a minute - a minute of shoving fries into my mouth - to figure out what I'd say.

'I'm not really sure. For some reason, I think you'd make a good Mark Cohen.' A surprised look crosses his face. 

'Really?' He takes a sip of his drink.

'Uhh, yes? I can totally see you doing Tango Maureen.' 

'Huh. I really just don't see myself as a Mark. I don't know, I feel like I'd do badly at it.'

'Alrighty then, Mr. "I'd-turn-down-the-lead-role-in-a-show-of-Rent-because-I-can't-see-that-I'm-perfect-for-it", where would you cast yourself?' 

'Oh,  it changes all the time. At the moment, I think I'd be a really good emcee in Cabaret. A week ago, the answer was that guy in The Producers who sings "Keep It Gay".' 

'Huh. interesting. Who'd you cast me as?'

'Funnily enough, you're just about the one person I haven't found a role for yet. They can't capture personalities like yours on the stage, I think. There's many you'd definitely be good at, but I can't find that perfect casting for you for some reason. None that I've come across are good enough for you.' My heart flutters in to oblivion. This is a man who knows every classic musical inside and out, and then some, and he doesn't think any of the roles are good enough for me. This takes me aback, and in my state of shock of what a big compliment that is, I barely stammer out:

'Uh. Um. Well. Thomas said I'd make a good Heather McNamara yesterday, and he'd know, I mean, uh, he was literally in Heathers in Orlando, so I, um,  I don't know if you've thought about her?' 

'Oh, yeah. Definitely. You'd also be a good Liesl VonTrapp if you were closer to sixteen, I can see you playing Eponine as well. You also mentioned to me once not long after we first met that you played Iris in Fame in High School, which is a good casting as well. But none of them are fully right for you. None of them are roles you were *born* to play. And there's the difference.'

'You've put a lot of time in to thinking about this, haven't you?' I'm met with a solemn nod of the head. And from there, the awkward silence ensues. I finish the last of my fries, Jon finishes off his drink, and we end up throwing the rubbish in the backseat. He has a pensive look on his face, looking up at the night sky above us as I look at him. Still gazing at the stars, he says:

'Do you ever think about how insignificant we all are in this universe?' This takes me by surprise again - how does one respond to a question out of the blue like that?

'Like. Each existing problem on the planet exists in the same way only on earth. Homophobia exists in the same facility it does only on this planet. It's the same way with racism. Every societal issue you can think of only exists in the same way on earth. Aliens, if they're out there, haven't heard of any important world leaders Martin Luther King Jr, Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, Bernie Sanders - the list goes on. There's a wide range of galaxies out there, and largely, we're just floating along in space, fucking things up as we go along and finding reasons to hate eachother.  Every connection a human has or will make is so insignificant in the long run, and nobody's going to remember how in love I am in 500 years because nobody's going to care enough. What difference is it going to make if I die in love or alone? Is it worth fighting for at all?'

I'm dumbstruck. I didn't know he was repressing this existential crisis, or this sadness or any of it and it makes me sad to think about. And then I realise there was a question at the end of it all.

'Yeah. I - I think it is.'

'How do you know that though?' An element of pain is showing through in his voice and it strikes me to the core. 

'Don't ask me how. I just - I just know.' And a big part of me believes it too.

'Are you sure?' He finally turns back to look me in the eyes and something in me just pushes me to say:

'I am. It's worth it. It's worth fighting for.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

sooo this took ages because i was having a dan howell style existential crisis at the time of writing this (you can tell lmao) BUT I HOPE THIS IS GOOD.

Speaking of Dan Howell, GUESS WHO THE VAST MAJORITY OF YOU VOTED FOR? THAT'S RIGHT. OH YEAH. 

My Dan fic is called Infatuated, it focuses around Dan and an oc character. All you need to know about her for now, is that her name is Avalon Eponine Slater, she's 23, born in France, raised (for the most part) in London, and she's a dessert chef. But since I'm extra nice, here's a bonus fact for all you Hamilton fans: She's a descendant of Marquis De Lafayette. Boom. I've posted an intro thingy so you can see the cover, so gO LOOK AT THAT WHOOP IT'S THERE

Thank you very much for reading, also we're nearly at 4k already WHAT

See you next chapter!

~Ellen Cozartist