Kaleidoscope eyes

Chapter nine

They witnessed her destruction and were left to wonder why; she saw nothing but darkness though the stars shone in her eyes.
-Erin Hanson|

I met you again two days after our date. We didn't talk about anything we discussed that day. It never came up. You dismissed it all together. You went back to the Eva I first met; light hearted, full of humour and always joking around. Even though I enjoyed this Eva, who spoke endlessly of far away galaxies with planets made of burning ice, I wanted to know the other side of you. The side that told me about herself, her feelings and drowning. I just wished I could know more about you. I wasn't prepared though, for what came next.
#

'My parents will be away this weekend,' you sighed on Thursday afternoon.
It was a long hot afternoon and I had taken you out to buy ice cream. Your fingers were interlocked with mine and we could pass off as a couple. The thought made me smile.
As we walked back to your place you told me your father had a small case to deal with up north. Your mother had squealed saying it was the perfect opportunity for her to go capture scenery that side of the earth for her photography class.
'So it will just be the maid, the gardener and I,' you moaned, 'and between the two of them, they barely speak five syllables.'
'Don't worry. I'll come keep you company.' I smiled.
'Every day until Monday?' you wondered hopefully.
'And even after that.'
#
On Friday evening, I lay on my bed texting you after spending the whole day with you. Your parents had left late morning and I was there when they did. Your mother had pulled me into a bone crushing hug rumbling on and on about things only a mother would worry about- like the amount of soap bars. Your father on the other hand had crunched my hand in what only a father would believe is a normal handshake. He told me to take care of you, the unspoken "or else" dangling in the air and the murder threats sparking in his eyes. The message was clear. I almost winced. Then he let go of my hand and patted my shoulder. He looked at me as if he and I were acquaintances from bygone days then told me to take care of myself as well.
'One picture!' your mother had gushed as she handed her camera to Louise.
I stood next to you awkwardly as your father stood next to me putting his hand on my shoulder while eyeing his giddy wife who stood next to you.
'It's like you guys are leaving for months,' I murmured under my breath.
That's how the picture was taken, with you laughing wildly at my comment, your father's hand tightening at my shoulder as he shot me a disapproving look which caused me to shudder and your mother grinning, oblivious to what had just transpired.
I smiled at the memory as my phone beeped with a message from you. Before I could reply, my phone rang. I choked on my saliva with shock as I saw the caller ID.
'Zee?' a familiar voice wondered at the other end.
'Drew?' I breathed out in disbelief.
'In the flesh,' he replied. 'Or at least through the sound waves.'
I croaked. It had almost been two weeks since I had bumped into Andrew at the coffee shop. He spoke coolly as per usual if not a bit too coolly.
'I was wondering if you might be free tomorrow?' he uttered, like he hadn't spent the past few months avoiding any contact with me.
Something was off.
'What's up?' I asked.
'I've been dying to play chess match with someone and you are the only real competition I know.' He paused. 'Plus I thought we could catch up. It's been a while.'
His voice wavered and my mouth felt like sandpaper as my voice caught somewhere in my throat. Andrew had practically been by best friend. We shared almost everything and then I went and messed it all up by blatantly betraying him and choosing Kelvin and Samantha's side. I thought that was the end and now he just wanted to "catch up on life".
'Zee?' Andrew's voice dripped with uncertainty.
'Yeah sure,' I said. 'Tomorrow will be fine. You'll come over?'
I heard him exhale a shaky breath before he composed himself again.
I could almost see him smirking on the other side of the call. 'Of course.'
#
Andrew arrived around ten the next morning. Ella had been the one to let him in and by the looks of it she was equally stunned as I had been last evening when I got the call.
'Ella, you look like you've seen a ghost,' Andrew breezed.
Him and his irony. That is exactly what he was, a ghost of my past.
Andrew looked as Andrew usually does; decent black jeans, modest button down shirt, a scarf around his neck despite the heat and a phone in his hand. Tucked under his other arm was a chess board. On his face was a lazy smile, but it did not reach his eyes. He looked tired. Extremely tired.
As usual, Andrew skipped the formalities. He brushed past a still stunned Ella, as well as me and made his way to the dining table as if he owned the place. Ella, who seemed to have recovered from her initial shock, clicked her tongue, murmured something unintelligible under her breath and left.
I - who is less dramatic than Ella- simply gave a small smile at the familiarity of it all. It was almost nostalgic. I followed Andrew to the dining room, where he was done setting up the chess board, and sat across him.
Andrew was a boy of fewer words than most and so we played the first few moves in silence, like most of our previous games. Only this time the silence was strained. I could almost see the words we were dying to say hovering above us like thick air pollution. Andrew chose not look at me.
'Andrew,' I breathed.
He still didn't even look at me. Instead he raised an eyebrow. His eyes were glued to the board anticipating my next move.
'How are you?' I asked as I captured his pawn with my own.
'I've been okay.' He moved his rook.
'And Joan?' My bishop moved two steps.
Andrew heaved, his composure wavered a bit. He moved his queen a few boxes vertically opposite my rook and a few boxes horizontally his own king. The question distracted him, otherwise he wouldn't have made such a clumsy mistake.
'That is a bit complicated,' he uttered.
'Is it?' I wondered as I move my rook to capture his queen. Check.
His bishop quickly moved to capture the rook I moved. I did not see that. I frowned.
'Therapy is helping,' he uttered. 'Only it's slow. She needs me and it gets exhausting. Very exhausting. I don't want to abandon her but I need a break-'
'You need someone to talk to.' I move my pawn forward. 'Is that why you are here?'
'I needed someone to talk to.' He made eye contact with me for the first time. 'I am here for a decent game of chess.'
'I'm sorry Drew. This is all my fault.'
His eyes shifted back to the board. He moved his bishop again, practically slamming it to capture my hopeless pawn.
'It is not your fault. We could have chosen not to go.'
'But you are still mad at me either way aren't you? I didn't choose your side.' I in turn captured his bishop with my knight.
'I'm not.' He captured my knight with a nearby pawn.
His voice rose an octave. His composure was crumbling.
' Just say it Drew. Stop acting like it's all cool. You didn't spend all those months ignoring me because you went to military school. Just say what's on your mind for once.' I moved my other rook to put his king in check.
'What do you want me to say?' he stated through clutched teeth.
His resolve was clearly shattering now. He moved his knight, eliminating my other rook off the board. I used my bishop to get his knight.
'That I wanted my best friend to take my side over a stupid decision?' He moved his rook opposite my king. Check.
I had no option but to move my king away.
'That I thought it was a given that he would agree with me?' He moved his bishop to capture my queen, putting my king in check again.
Again all I could do was move my king hopelessly.
He moved 'Gosh Ezekiel, I would have taken whatever side you chose when it came down to it but you didn't choose mine and now everything is a freaking mess!'
Checkmate.
He let out a sigh, as if some weight just lifted off of his shoulders. I finally got why he was so angry at me. He looked at the board intensely once again.
'I hope you feel better now,' I said.
He looked up at me. Regaining some of his poise, he gave me a weak smile.
'Another game,' he said. 'And this time, don't let me win.'
We both knew though, who had won this round.
#
By the time Andrew was leaving, we had caught up on the last few months. He told me about him and Joan and how they were taking it slow and steady. I told him about you and, although it was not my place to say it- forgive me, Eva- I mentioned your cutting problem.
'How did we get stuck with the broken girls that we can't understand?' I sighed.
'Maybe because we have very little glue for even ourselves but we are willing to share.' Andrew uttered a bit too seriously.'
'Are you implying it's not enough?'
He ignored the question totally. He probably didn't want to fall under the gravity of it all.
'It's still pretty early and if you promised to visit her, you should,' he said instead as he got into his car.
'I told her I wouldn't make it today.'
'Only you would blow off a girl for a stupid chess match,' he stated as he started the engine. 'And work on that nicotine problem of yours. Buy gum or something.'
I chuckled lightly, not finding the words to actually answer him, and just like that he was gone. I took a look at my watch and it was only two o'clock in the afternoon. If I drove I could still make it and spend an hour or two with you. I quickly sent you a text, telling you I was coming and drove to your place without waiting for a reply.
#
Being in your room was awkward. Louise had let me inside and told me you had been in your room the whole day and had strictly told her not to disturb you.
'Some days she seems..... off and tells me not to bother her at all. Today is one of them and it worries me,' Louise had said.
I stared at her baffled.
'Madam Eva is happier when you are around.' She looked at me pleadingly. 'Please take care of her.'
I nodded thinking of your slit wrist. Did Louise know?
'I will,' I said before making my way up to your room.
The room was oddly dark because you had drawn the curtains closed.
'Eva?' I uttered as I stood on the door.
I could make out your figure sitting motionless on your bed. There was a soft tune playing in the background. For some reason it felt eerie. Maybe it was because you weren't acknowledging my presence or because this was only the second time being in your room, but it felt strange.
'Eva.' I switched on the light.
You cringed and shut your eyes tightly before slowly opening them. You seemed a bit confused but when your eyes seemed to focus on me, a lazy smile played on the corners of your mouth.
'Ezekiel,' your voice drawled a bit as you slowly made your way to me. 'Gosh, have I ever told you just how colourful you are?'
You seemed as if you were about to fall but you placed your hands on my cheeks and burst into a fit of laughter. I put my hands around your wrists and they were burning.
'Eva, are you okay?'
It was a stupid question but I am human and we ask stupid questions.
Your response was another fit of laughter. 'I was thinking of all the lights and colours and stuff-'
You weren't making any sense and that's when I looked at you. I really looked at you. Your eyes were a bit dilated and tiny beads of sweat were dotting on your cheeks. You reminded me of a state Samantha was in once or twice- or hundreds of times.
'Eva,' I stated mortified. 'Are you on drugs?'
'- and all these stars,' you yawned.
Your hands slid down my cheeks to slightly graze my neck. I exhaled.
'Are you tired, Eva?'
You gave me a lopsided grin and I sighed. I bent down and scooped you in my arms. You were heavier than you looked but your bed was only a few steps away. I put you on the bed and you curled up like a cat, your eyes flickering closed. I sat next to you and drove my hands through your rough and dense black hair.
'I can taste that,' you said. 'You taste like vanilla ice cream.'
I smiled slightly. You were speaking absolute gibberish. I took off my shoes and lay next to you. I checked the time. It was almost after three. I had time. I could wait until you woke up and I saw that you were okay. I could wait for you.
#
My eyes flickered open. You were still asleep next to me. My eyes adjusted a little to the light. I checked the time and it was just after seven. I cursed, realising it was late and I hadn't told anyone where I was. I looked back at you. You seemed to be fine, or at least you would be when you woke up. I started to get up but I felt a light touch around my arm stopping me. I turned back to you. Your eyes seemed so vulnerable.
'Stay,' you whispered with your strained voice. 'Please.'
So I did.