The Grass is Always Greener

Prologue

The Great and Terrible Papyrus drooled in his sleep. Sans could remember a time when that had been the funniest thing he had ever seen. The first time he had fallen asleep next to his brother, only to wake up in a small puddle, he had woken Papyrus up with his laughter.

Sans stood in the doorway, remembering that moment, and he frowned. When had he lost that? Which reset had it been, the first time he woke up next to a drooling Papyrus, that he hadn't found any joy in it?

He watched his brother quietly, waiting for him to wake up. He had stood in this doorway countless times. He knew exactly when Papyrus's eyes would blink open, and he knew exactly what would happen if he stayed in the bed next to him when that happened. He couldn't remember exactly when he had stopped wanting that, but it had been a lot of resets since he had started standing in the doorway to avoid it.

Papyrus stirred slightly, like he always did, then he opened his eyes. He looked around blearily for sans and when he saw him, he smiled brightly. There wasn't much to smile about in this world. It used to mean everything Sans that all it took was the sight of him for his brother to be happy. Now, it just hurt.

"Sans," Papyrus said tiredly, still smiling. He sat up slowly, stretching. His bare ribs gleaned in the light, his numerous scars standing out in stark contrast from the smooth areas of bone.

Sans couldn't even find it in himself to smile back. He couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't take his brother loving him like this when he hadn't felt the same in what felt like years. He had never been able to find it in himself to break his brothers heart. He still loved him, more than anything. Just...not like that. Not anymore.

Sans sighed heavily, rubbing his eye sockets. Then he forced a smile onto his face. "Hey, Boss. Sleep well?" he asked. His voice sounded too high, false and pained.

Papyrus looked at him for a moment, confusion evident on his face. "Yeah...yeah, I slept fine. Sans...are you okay?"

Sans couldn't get himself to make eye contact. He looked at his feet. How could he even be considering this? He couldn't do this to his brother. He couldn't take any small amount of happiness away from him.

"Yeah, Boss. I'm great. I'm gonna go make breakfast."

He turned on his heel and blipped down to the kitchen, still unable to look Papyrus in the face.

He braced himself up against the counter and took a few heaving breaths. He couldn't do this, he couldn't pretend anymore, he couldn't do this anymore, but how could he not, he had to keep doing this, it would be okay, it was just a relationship, it's fine, he could do this, no he couldn't, that was his brother, what had he been thinking?

Sans closed his eyes, still leaning up against the counter. He had done this exact thing so many times now. He had gotten so close, so close to ending it, to taking away Papyrus's smile. How could he be so selfish? He still loved his brother, he didn't want to hurt him. He would give anything not to have to hurt him.

Including his own happiness? Without a doubt.

But Sans was so tired. Reset after reset, falling out of love so slowly, repeating the same few days over and over and over again. Nothing was ever new unless Sans made it so. Nothing was ever different.

He was just so tired.

He heard Papyrus coming down the stairs a few moments later, and hurriedly pulled out some food. He poured cereal into bowls and added milk as his brother came into the room.

"Wow. Impressive cooking skills. This is practically a gourmet meal. How do you do it?" Came the somewhat sarcastic voice from behind him.

Normally, Sans would turn and he would force a grin and he would respond with some stupid pun about breakfast. He turned, but he couldn't get himself to smile, to joke. Instead, to his horror, his eyes filled with tears. He spun back around, clutching to the counter again.