Not Nearly Metta

Unexpected

     “Baby I have something to tell you” I said shaking Antonio out of his sleep. “What’s wrong, are you okay” he said matching my frightened expression. “No” I said shaking my head. Without any other word he jumped out the bed and turned on the lights and expected me.”I’m fine baby” I said trying to grab his hands and pull him back into bed with me. “Then why did you say no” he asked looking confused and a little upset “Lela it’s 6 in the morning what do you want that can’t wait till the morning”. “I can’t sleep and I’m scared to say” I said holding in my tears that I could feel forming. “Lela you know you can tell me anything” he said climbing back in bed and wrapping his arms around me. “I think I’m pregnant” I whispered as I cried. “WHAT” he said jumping back up “PREGNANT? Baby that’s great news” he said jumping around the room “I gotta call someone”. “WAIT” I yelled out “I said I might be pregnant”. He stopped jumping around dancing and sat next to me and kissed me and then my stomach. “Okay baby well why do you think your pregnant” he asked in a calm voice as he rubbed my stomach. I did not like the fact that he was rubbing my stomach at the possibility of me being pregnant. “Last week when I was in California, remember when we were on the phone and I throw up” I said. “Yea you said it was something you ate” he said. “Well it happened a few other times” I said. “Are you late” he asked. “Yes two days now” I said crying again. “Well why are you crying” he asked as he held me close. “I don’t know what to do, but if I am pregnant, we are trying to build our dream house, how am I going to work with this big stomach. How would that look being in court with a big stomach? And the list can go on, we did not plan this” I said crying even harder as I felt my world was coming to an end. “Baby if you are pregnant, then that mean we are pregnant. As for our dream house it gives us more of a reason to have a dream home since our family will be extending. We’re going to have the extra rooms already because we were planning to have a family any way.  Baby you’re not the only one in this. I am working just as much as you are and if you’re worrying about how you would look pregnant you will be beautiful and I dare any one to say anything different. And as my wife and mother of my child I’m not going to have you working any way” he said kissing me on my forehead. “Baby that’s great but are we ready for this chapter in our lives right now” I said. “Baby I’m ready for anything that happens” he said looking me square in the eye. “Okay” I said quieting down my cries. “Now can I call my mother” he said smiling. “No” I said standing up “can we at least go to the doctor to make sure first”. “Sure, whatever you want in the morning I’ll make an appointment for this week. But for now let’s get some sleep Mommy” he said kissing me and rubbing my stomach.

       I silently cried myself to sleep in his arms. Truth be told I did not want to be pregnant but I couldn’t tell Antonio that I didn’t want him to think I didn’t want to have his baby. I know we talked about having our own family but having kids is not something I want for myself. Maybe it’s because of my childhood or maybe because I’m scared to bring a child into this world. Being a lawyer I’ve seen the ugly side of the world and how those monsters would have no remorse for their actions. So adoption always looked good to me. I would give my husband whatever he want even though I was scared out of my mind. I knew he wouldn’t go for an abortion but I did not want to have a baby. That means a whole life change and I just didn’t want to do that. We’ve only been married for two years I was thinking after five years or so we could consider having kids but not now or no time soon. And when I say consider kids I mean adopt.

       At the end of the week the doctor confirmed my pregnancy. I was four weeks pregnant. I just wanted to pass out and die. Antonio on the other hand was happier than a kid in a world made of candy and a guilty criminal out on parole. Actually seeing him that happy made me think of how selfish I was being. Both of our lives were going to change and it was time I jumped on the wagon of happiness. I then jumped to my feet and celebrated with him. Deep down inside I was still not happy to be pregnant but I knew it would come sooner or later.