Bulletproof and Vulnerable. An Andy Biersack Love Story (Ftmxboy)

Chapter 2: Becoming Me

"Alice... I have something to tell you" He says quietly as his eyes stare at the floor.

"What is it, babe?" I ask, a feeling of dread in my stomach. "I'm turning 18 next month, and I can't stay in this town a second longer."

His eyes shoot up, looking at me with a mix of emotions. His words shocked me, and I didn't know how to respond. "You're....leaving?"

"I don't want this to end, but I need to get my career going, I can't just sit here with my thumb in my ass anymore!"

"But how could this ever work with you gone?"

My eyes snap open. Why can't I stop dreaming about him? I can't still have feelings for him, can I? It's been 5 years. I need to get over him.

I roll over and grab my phone. Saturday, this is it. This is the day I see him.
I check my clock and it reads 2pm, I sigh, realising I still have 5 hours to wait. I had stayed up late last night, watching his interviews like a little stalker. He still had the same silly sense of humor he did back then. Everytime he spoke I smiled from ear to ear.
I swing my legs off the bed and slowly stand up, my eyes still adjusting to the daylight. Wondering out of my bedroom into the bathroom, I look down at my body and feel disgusted at the femininity. I can't take this anymore.

"I guess it can't work"
His words shoot through my head as I walk. Why am I doing this to myself?

As soon as my bare feet touch the cold bathroom floor i rush to the awful pink cabinet sitting next to our sink. I swear I saw scissors in here... I finally find them in the top draw.

My eyes wander to the mirror, and I see somebody staring back. It isn't me, its a girl. But I can't let it be anymore. "Come on Jason, Do you want Andy to see you as a scared little girl, or the strong boy you are inside?"

With that I take a deep breath and slowly snip a section of my bangs to eye level. A huge rush of adrenaline runs rampid on my body, I play with the short part, not believing I finally did it. I know my mom is going to flip, but it's my body. I'm 23 for God's sake, what is she going to do? Kick me out?
I remember when I came home with my first tattoo. It was only lyrics on my ribs. Easy to hide, only visible when I don't have a shirt on, but she still refused to talk to me for days. I could see the hate in her eyes when she was forced in interact with me for a long time after.
I start laughing out of pure joy, and I take another section. I'm smiling ear to ear as I chop. It doesn't take my long to cut everything to the same length, and I take a minute to look at myself. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off me, no pun intended.

I started making it look less pixie cut, and more regular boy cut, and it starts taking shape. I'm certainly not a hairdresser, but I more or less know how to make it look not completely shit. The smile on my face grows wider with every snip of the scissors, and I feel Jason coming more and more to life. I use a comb to help snip the back and sides evenly short, and leave the top a little longer. The longest part of my bangs now touch my eyebrows. As I'm finishing the last couple snips theres a knock at the door."Alice? Are you in there?"

Before I can answer the door opens, and she stares at me. "What have you done?!" She screams at me, her eyes popping out of her skull.

"I'm becoming me, mom." I whisper.