Bulletproof and Vulnerable. An Andy Biersack Love Story (Ftmxboy)

Chapter 9

Jason's POV

"You're....what?" He asks. I can hear the surprise in his voice, but it's hard to tell what other emotions he's feeling. I daren't look up to his face, instead staring down at the ground.
"Don't make me say it again" I mumble, my eyes tearing up.

"I...I need a minute to think" He mutters. I feel my whole body freeze as he breezes past me. I feel like I can't move, completely stationary, stood in his kitchen...

I don't even realise I'm out of it, until a slam from the front door snaps me back into my body.  A chill goes through my whole body. Did I mess everything up again?

Andy's POV

I can't believe it, I don't know what to do...I'm speechless.

I light a cigarette with a shaky hand and take a deep breath, a feeble attempt to calm myself down. I always knew she...he...was androgynous, and not exactly feminine, and I kinda liked that, but this is different. It's like I never even knew her...him...

I know deep down I'm overreacting, and he's still the same person I love, but... what will people think? Will I get called gay? A faggot? I've had plenty of that already. But this isn't about me! It's about...him.

I stub out my cigarette and unlock my car. I swiftly get inside, slamming the door behind me. I need to clear my head.

Jason's POV

He's never going to want me now. Damn it, Jason! Why couldn't you just be the girl everyone wants you to be?!

I run upstairs and start throwing on random clothes, and placing everything else in my bag. "You fuck up, you absolute fuck up!" I scream at myself, zipping up my bag and throwing on my shoes hastily. 

I'm convinced he won't want to see me again, and I have no idea where I'm going, but its easier to leave then to get kicked out.

I grab my jacket and run out of his bedroom. I bound down his steps and reach the front door, a picture hanging on the wall catches my attention, its Andy, with his mom and dad. I remember the first time I met them. They were always so sweet to me, and he was the sweetest...

I open the door and force myself out, slamming the door after me. Cold air hits my face, it's snowing out here. You never realize how the cold stings your face until there is no hair to protect it.

I start walking south, I don't even know where I am, I've never been to this city before, everything is so foreign.  I focus on the snow crunching below my feet, trying to breathe slowly, as I scream internally. The tears on my cheeks are getting cold, but no matter how much I wipe them away, they keep reappearing.

Andy's POV

I end up driving to Jinxx's house. He's an idiot, but also always knows what to do in every situation. Though I'm not sure he's encountered this before.

An hour later, I've told him everything. I couldn't stop it spilling out my mouth. I'm trying my best not to cry from stress, anger, and confusion, and I think he can tell. He puts his arm on my shoulder in a comforting way. "So you just left?" He asks. "What else could I do? I didn't know what to say, what to do...I've had an ex tell me they're a fucking boy before!" I shout in pure frustration. "I get it man, I'd do the same" He admits. Even he seems stumped here.

"You still love him, don't you?" He asks. I bow my head, slowly nodding it a moment later. "Then..does it matter what he looks like? Or what his pronouns are? He's still the same person" He tells me. It hits me that he's right, I've always loved how we could laugh, cry, and be together. I've always loved his personality, his looks were just a bonus..but would I even be attracted to him when he starts changing?

"But I'm not gay!" I retaliate. "Well, you are in love with a guy" He smirks. I playfully elbow him in the ribs, laughing with him.

I should probably go talk to him...

Jason's POV.

I've been walking for what feels like hours in this cold. Eventually, I find a coffee shop and go inside. I order a shockingly overpriced hot chocolate and sit down at a little table by the window. It's not too busy in here, but there's a couple of the typical 'writers' with their laptops in front of them, the type of hipster you just know always tells you how the book was better than the movie.

There's also a couple just opposite me, they're sweet, a blonde boy and a brunette girl, giggling away and staring into each other's eyes. Normally, this would be cute, but instead, it just sends a sad sinking feeling down my body. I wanted to be that girl for him, I wanted to be his wife and the mother of his children. But, I know I could never be that, and I know it wouldn't be fair to him to pretend, but I just want him to hold me in his arms again...

I check my phone and see a text message from Andy. "Where are you??" He asks. I think about responding to him, but I'm scared of what he could say. So, I put my phone back in my pocket.

"You don't deserve how he treats you, you know that?" He tells me, a worried look on his face, as we walk down the hallway. "I guess.." I say, looking down at the floor. He stops me, and pushes my head up with his thumb under my chin. "You really don't know how amazing you are, do you?" He says, looking into my eyes. His eyes are piercing my soul, my whole body feels weak. Our faces move closer together and our eyes close. I feel his lip brush mine, and my heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest. I push forward, and our lips connect. The passion in his kiss, it's something I've never felt before. His cold piercings break up his soft, warm lips. His arm snakes around me, and I don't even realize my own hand in his hair. I could stay like this forever.

Suddenly, the school bell rings, and we tear apart as kids start coming out of their classrooms. We look at each other, giggling and blushing. I've never felt so content.

"Excuse me?" A voice snaps me out of my daydreaming. I look up to see a young, handsome alternative guy, with short blue hair, and piercings scattered around his face and ears. "Is this seat taken?" He gestures to the other chair and my table. I look around the room and see it's filled up a lot while I've been out of it. I shake my head with a smile. "Go ahead" I say to him.

"Thanks, you know, I'm a great listener" He smiles. "I'm sorry?" I ask, confused. "You've been crying, it's obvious" He replies, a somber look on his face. "Is it?" I ask, frantically wiping under my eyes. "So, do you wanna talk about it?" He asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

About an hour, and a few drinks later, I'd told him everything. I couldn't stop it all spilling out of my mouth, but he was just so warm and easy to talk to. "I can't imagine how you're feeling" He says sympathetically. "Well, I don't think I even know honestly" I say with a brief smile. "I never even asked your name" I realize. "It's Alex" He smiles. "I'm Jason" I smile back "We should keep in touch, Jason" He says, grabbing a pen from his pocket and writing his number on my hand. "Yeah sure" I beam. It's always been hard for me to make friends, so this is quite a moment for me. A sudden shadow casts over us and when I look up my heart sinks.

Andy is stood over us.