Haven't Forgotten My Way Home (Camren)

Chapter Nineteen

It seemed that she had spent the last three hours pacing her living room floor. Every now and then Camila would stop and squint downward, to see if she had worn a path in the carpet. And then she would glance at the door. Finally, she'd start pacing again. It had been the same routine since eight that morning. Her mind hadn't rested since two twenty three.

Since she'd called Lauren.

"Are you all right? Do you need anything?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Lauren, I do need something."

"You're not hurt, are you? Sick?"

"I need you to come see me. So we can talk. About everything. Can you do that for me, Lauren?"

"Okay, Camila."

"Come to my house at eleven tomorrow morning? Not a moment later or earlier."

"Yes."

It wasn't too late to back out, Camila thought. It was only 10:50, she still had ten minutes to come to her senses and put an end to all of this. It would be so easy just to tell Lauren that she was sorry things had turned out the way they had, and that she wished Lauren luck with finding a Dominant worthy of her.

But damn if Spencer's words kept replaying themselves in Camila's head, over and over like a prayer.

Camila, you're more than good enough.

And Camila kept seeing Lauren's face, hurt and lost as it had been that day three days ago when Camila had buttoned up her coat and adjusted the collar, then sent her out into the rain. Away from her, away from them. She thought of herself, how big and lonely the house felt once again, even with Jasper sticking close to her side because he was remarkably good at sensing her sadness. Camila thought of Lauren, of kissing her and holding her close, of wanting to see those green eyes looking at her with love and trust.

And even before she heard the soft knock on the door ten minutes later, Camila knew there would be no way she'd back out.

Still, her hand trembled on the knob as she pulled open the door. But if Camila was nervous, Lauren was even more so, as she couldn't even bring her eyes up to meet Camila's. But she finally did look at her after a long minute, her gaze searching and unsure. Camila smiled, and slipped her hand down to grasp Lauren's, locking their fingers together.

"You're not wearing a coat," she said softly, pulling the girl inside and closing the door behind them, locking it. "It's cold out; I don't want you to get sick."

"I forgot," Lauren said with a shrug. "I've kind of been anxious all morning? So I guess I just didn't think about it."

"You too, huh?" Camila's smile didn't waver; she willed it to be more reassuring, wanting Lauren to lose that uncertain expression, because it hurt. Seeing Lauren wary of being with her made something twist in Camila's gut and she'd do anything to be rid of it.

"Come on, why don't you sit down, I'll make us a drink. Hot chocolate?"

Lauren sat and giggled a little as Jasper immediately pounced on her with licks. "Hot chocolate sounds really nice," she said, giving Camila a genuine smile, and Camila's heart fluttered.

She made the hot chocolate quickly, listening as Lauren baby-talked Jasper in the living room, and her hands shook less as she carried the two mugs back and handed one to Lauren. "Down, you big oaf," Camila said, gently pushing Jasper to the floor. "I want Lauren time too, I've missed it."

The mug paused halfway to Lauren's mouth. "You have?"

"I have," Camila nodded. "It would be an understatement to say that I'm really fond of you, but other words seem to fail to describe my emotions right now."