Haven't Forgotten My Way Home (Camren)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Warnings/triggers: Domestic violence; description of potentially triggering sexual situations.

She hadn't known what to expect for the trial. She'd thought that she'd have to sit in a little box, with a judge towering over her and yelling questions. Or maybe they'd let Brad ask the questions, even though both Toby and Sarah had told her that wasn't the way these sorts of trials worked. She didn't know; she'd never been to one before. She'd watched a court show or two when she was younger, at her parents' house, but she was pretty sure even then that that wasn't the way real life worked.

Then again, Lauren was growing ever surer that her own life wasn't the way real life was supposed to work.

She certainly hadn't expected for Brad to be this close, so close that she could smell his cologne and the underlying hint of soap. So close that she could see his eyes, the nervous, uncertain way they would flick in her direction then back down to the table again, as if he was afraid – or ashamed – to be caught looking at someone who was "beneath" him. She hadn't expected the fear, the revulsion that had welled up within her at knowing that the man who had tormented her for years was now, once again, within mere feet of her.

She hadn't expected to find herself hating him.

The only thing that gave her comfort, even more than sitting with Toby on one side and her lawyer on the other, was knowing that Miss Camila was also a few feet away, sitting in the gallery with Spencer and watching her with kind, proud, protective eyes.

Miss Camila had kept the blanket fort up for a few days, and she and Lauren had slept in it the night previously – but only after Miss Camila had bought an air mattress.

"You're not sleeping on the floor," she'd said, a determined look in her eyes that made Lauren fall in love with her just a little more.

She hadn't really been able to get much sleep; she'd tossed and turned with images of the trial not letting her close her eyes for more than a few moments. Finally Miss Camila had had enough – they both needed to rest so they would be in top form, she'd said, her voice gentle but authoritative. She'd held Lauren close in her arms and sang into her ear, softly, soothingly, until finally Lauren was able to settle down and get a few hours of sleep.

Nothing had really prepared her for seeing Brad in the courtroom. Even having Camila on one side, Toby, Spencer, and Sarah on the other, did little to quell Lauren's nerves. The moment she saw him, it all came rushing back.

And then, listening to the reasons for why he had done what he had... was that enough? She found herself wondering. Would it all excuse what he had done to her? She hated that for a brief moment while listening to Brad's testimony, her heart had ached for him. The little boy, his family in turmoil and ultimately being abandoned by the father... She could only imagine what Brad had gone through, what he had thought, how he must have blamed himself. For just a few minutes, Lauren could see the scared boy that Brad had been. And yet, the boy that he had been was quickly overshadowed by the instruments he had used, the angry scowl of his voice as he beat her. The pain, the bruises, the broken bones...

But at least that's why she was there – to give voice to her own worst memories.

They had decided that, rather than having Lauren prepare her own statement, she was better at questioning, a call-and-response testimony that kept her head clear and focused, and her answers concise. So Sarah Richards's voice was soft, gentle as she asked the first question.

"Lauren, what was it like when you first met Brad Simpson?"

She hadn't been sure about Sarah at first. There was something too flighty about her, a goofiness that had made Lauren wonder if the thin lawyer with the outlandish clothes was really dedicated to her case. But Toby had sworn by her, and the loud chomping of gum while she pored over the notes to Lauren's case was offset by the look of sheer determination in Sarah's eyes, and that had made her feel better. Plus she had seen the tender way Sarah had interacted with her submissive when her boy had brought them all lunch one day, and that had done even more for Lauren's trust.