The Road Home

Part 2

'Be a best friend, tell the truth, over use I Love You. Go to work do your best, don't outsmart your comments sense, never let your prayin' knees get lazy. And LOVE LIKE CRAZY"
-Lee Brice, Love Like Crazy

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  Heading into the main barn I stopped outside Cooper's stall. I smile softly as the appaloosa turns and walks up to the opening to get scratches.  I have a feeling just like me, he too misses Ethan. My brother used to take Cooper out nearly every morning for a simple ride to check the fences of all the pastures. But, that was before everything happened and all of our worlds were thrown off coarse.  Owen now takes out Jasper, my dads older black morgan to check the fences.

  In total we have seventeen horses that are always here, they were our family horses or the ones we use to help with training of clients.  We well, now I have six quarter horses, six paints, three appaloosas, and two morgans.  The youngest quarter horse we have is four, she was meant to be Jared's, as he was the one training her.  Ella as we call her, became my personal project after Jared and Ethan died. I told myself that it was a good way to stay connected to him.  I still don't understand why five months before he passed away, this little yearling filly was left in our pasture in the middle of the night, just weeks after his old horse Berrett had to be put down. Colic. But we were glad it was quick and that he really didn't suffer.

  I sigh wandering down the isle glancing into each stall I pass, on both sides, to make sure there is still water, and that they ate like they should.  Owen has started taking the horses I pass, out  to their pastures. Once I reach the second to last stall on the right I stop, sliding open the door.   My palomino paint, Nutter Butter, looks up at me from his salt lick, before turning back to his task at hand.  

"Hey boy," I quietly say as I slowly sit down against the stall door.  I don't know how I only just realized, but today would have been their 23 birthday.  Looking up at the ceiling I can't help but think. 'God if you really are up there, like I've always been told and for such a long time believed, then why? Why did you take them, just days before they turned 21?' I remember that night.  We had gone to an ice cream shop because my best friend (now ex-bestfriend) had moved away after we had a fight in which she told me she hated me. Apparently she only was my friend because she had a crush on Jared.  That night was rainy and cold. As we started to walk back to our car down the road, some angry man jumped out and started wailing and beating on Ethan. I remember the intense fear I felt. But in less than a minute, Jared and Ethan had the man off and pinned down, Jared having called the cops.  Once they arrived we gave a quick statement before heading to the car to go home.  I can't remember exactly what Ethan said to calm me down but what ever it was it helped.  In a split second the world changed. My life would never be the same.  I can still see the car spinning and sliding off the road.  We went rolled off a hill until we hit a giant rock.  Flashes of light are the biggest thing I remember. At least that's what I told everyone. Nobody but me knows just how much I still have embedded in my mind.

Sniffing back tears, I look at Nutty and see him with his big eyes just gazing at me. Standing up and leaning into his neck, I mutter "I just don't know any more.  How am I supposed to keep going?  God, is this some test? Cause if it is, it sucks." Sighing I close my eyes, wondering if I will ever find my way out of this lost and confused state.

"Baylor!?" I jerk up hearing Owen calling my name. "Hey, you okay?" He quietly asks looking through the door. I nod, walking to the opening so I can grab the halter and lead. Nutter Butter doesn't let anybody but me to lead or work with him.  I slip the halter on and lead him out, Owen having opened the door.  We walk quietly over to the pastures where I let Nutty go.

"It would have been their birthday today." I whisper, afraid if I say it any louder I'll fall apart.  With out saying anything Owen pulls me into a hug, and I bury my head into his chest as tears fall down my cheeks. He rubs up and down my back kissing the top of my head.  In so many ways he reminds me of my brothers, and while it hurts it really does help me feel a little less alone.  "Owen?" I say pulling away and looking up to him.