FALLACY OF DEATH (short story)

+Chapter 7: Familiar Stranger+

+Chapter 7: Familiar Stranger+

"Everyone was their own familiar stranger. Mine happens to be Death himself."

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Scheduler left me by myself in the room with his words lingering. Before he left, he told me to live up and not to be pulled down by the thought of Yanis. He said it was Yanis's request. But how can I when all the things that are happening to him are caused by me?

Those are the lines that will decide his fate.

Anong ibig sabihin ng linyang iyan? Anong mangyayari kay Yanis? Gusto kong malaman at gusto kong makita ang kalagayan niya kahit na sabi nito na dapat akong mabuhay na parang walang nangyari pero 'di ko kaya. This overwhelming feeling is eating me.

I need answers and I'll start finding one now.

Kinuha ko ang aking jacket at maingat na bumaba ng hagdan namin. Siguradong hindi ako papaalisin nina Manang Ciel kapag walang kasama at kailangan kong puntahan ang lugar na iyun mag-isa. Mabuti nalang at wala sila sa sala kaya mabilis akong nakalabas. Ngunit, papalabas na ako ng subdivision namin ng tawagin ako ng guard.

"Ma'am, kakabalik niya lang po dito, saan po kayo pupunta?"

"Hello po, Kuya Rad! Bibili lang po ako sa may..." Think Felicity! Think! "Sa may grocery! Nagutom po kasi ako eh."

"Ba't 'di ka nalang nagpabili?" I can tell that he is becoming suspicious kaya naman ay mas pinagbutihan ko pa ang pag-arte ko.

"Busy po kasi sila eh. At kailangan ko 'din naman maglakad-lakad sabi ng doctor dahil matagal din akong nakahiga lamang sa ospital." Nginitian ko si Kuya Rad kaya naman ay ngumiti na ito pabalik saakin, naiintindihan. "Sige po kuya! Aalis na 'ko!"

"Sige po, ma'am. Mag-ingat kayo!"

Nakipaghigh-five ako sa sarili ko sa matagumpay kong pag-alis ng bahay namin. Dahil wala naman akong dalang pera (sariling katangahan!), ay naglakad nalang ako tutal ay totoong kailangan ko ng excercise at malapit lang naman ang pupuntahan ko.

Ang Proxima Park.

Naalala ko ang paghulog ko sa lagoon at ang pagsagip sa'akin ng kung sino na napagtanto kong si Yanis. It must be him. Sa panahon na iyon ay may naramdaman akong force na tumulak sa'kin. Posibleng may batang nakatulak sa'kin pero sa tingin ko ay hindi. Nababaliw na ata ako ngunit ay parang may pagkahawig ang nabasa ko sa Fallacy of Death sa nangyayari sa'kin ngayon. All this fantasy can't be just illusions. If they are real, then that tiny incident but be a clue to whats actually happening.

Maybe then, I'll be able to find Yanis.

I traced back my steps when we went to the lagoon the other day. I kept a safe distance from the lagoon and stared at my reflection. Sino ang tumulak sa'kin? Kung sakaling totoo ang nakasulat sa librong iyon, ibig sabihin na posibleng mga ligaw na kaluluwa ang tumulak sa'kin? Pero bakit naman nila gagawin 'yun? Dahil ba hindi ako nag- "tabi tabi po" nang pumunta ako sa isang mabundok na parte sa gabi?

I hit my head. Ibang paniniwala naman iyun!

Hindi ko na alam kung alin ang paniniwalain. Mas mabilis tanggapin na imahinasyon ko lang 'to lahat ngunit, ayaw kong paniwalaan na hindi totoo si Yanis. The free-falling, the confusing talk, and the outdoor trip. Hindi pwedeng imahinasyon ko lang iyon.

Ngunit wala akong natanggap na paramdam sa mga kaklase ko simula ng mangyari iyon. Wala na ang aking cellphone at 'di pa ako nakapagbukas ng social media... Kaya paano kung makomperma kong wala talagang nangyaring ganun?

If that's the case... Was the talk I have with the Scheduler real? Or I was still hallucinating from all the emotional pain?

Just before I can find the answer, I felt a force dragging me to the body of water. Déjà Vú... It's happening again. And I do not know if I can stop it this time because my belief is disheveled.

Was I actually saved by Yanis before? Or was that just a figment of my imagination?

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang nararamdam ko so I let it consume me. I let the force drag me down... down... down...

I did not dare to scream.

All I want are answers but it seems like those answers are not existent because...

They might not even be real.

What is the boundary between the reality and the fantasy? Because if I was asked, I would say it's the expectation. We expect what we want to see and belief— and it can either be real or just a dream.

So, I gave in. Because I am expecting that seeming fantasy of mine to come true somehow.

Napapikit ako ngunit ay naramdaman ko ang pagpulupot ng mga braso sa bewang ko. Napadilat ako at nakita ko ang reflection ko sa tubig... But this time, I don't only see myself but Yanis as well.

Yanis.

"I'll never let you fall again..." He whispered to me like it's a promise.

He is real. He is indeed real.

Napangiti ako sa reflection naming dalawa. He pulled me up and hugged me from behind.

"Never again." He said softly. I closed my eyes and accept his warmth but something is different... He is breathing heavily like...

He is in pain.

Scheduler's words rang inside my head. How can I allow him to continue feeling this pain when he's with me? I can't have him suffer for my own feelings. So I struggled.

I want out from his tight hug.

Sinubukan kong gumalaw kaso mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang yakap niya sa'akin while saying don't but all I can hear is his screams and tears. Pilit ko siyang itinulak as if my skin is toxic and he can't touch me.

"Felicity, stop struggling!" He said.

"Yanis!" I look at him straight into his eyes and his dark orbs now reflects me as if the recognition brings him back to power. But as soon as I said the next word, the flames in his eyes died down. "Let go of me!"

He weakened and I took that opportunity to push him away. I succeeded but in return, I stumbled backward and my back hits the water.

"Dammit, Felicity!" I heard him follow after me.

Hindi ko inakala mangyayari iyon kaya 'di ako agad nakainum ako ng kaunting tubig. Bago pa ako magtangkang lumango ay naramdaman ko ang pagyakap sa'kin ni Yanis at ang paglapat ng kanyang mukha sa'kin.

I once again felt the soft, tingling feeling that sent thousands of bolt across my body enabling me to breathe under the water. His lips parted mine as he breathes unto me. Relief passes through me as my vision cleared a little.

Unlike before, I can see him. Madiin itong nakapikit habang magkalapit pa din ang aming mga labi. His forehead creased like his in pain. When he parted our lips, his facial expression softens as I touched his cheek. He looked straight into mine and mouthed something I can't decipher.

"I love you, Felicity."

I can feel our body rise above the water and onto the land. I was about to ask him about what he said earlier, but he's gone again.