Redemption.

Chapter 12: Memories

Anthony

12:37 PM

This is it. Today is the day. I can feel the heat of vengeance racing through my veins making my blood boil. My hands rubbed together while I stared down at my .9 mm hand gun as it sat comfortably on the coffee table before me. My boy Ja'Quan gave it to me when I visited him a few days ago.

Our flight leaves this afternoon at four, and I couldn't be more excited to pop up unexpected at the house moments before hand. A sinister smile curved my lips after thinking about the facial expressions Diamond and Patrick are going to make when they see me. Just plain scared shitless.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and unlocked it, clicking the gallery right after. I swiped through pictures of Antonio and Christian. Two halves of my whole heart, my mini me's, my everythings. I don't know how I could continue on with life if I ever lost them. They're the reasons I kept thinking so hard about this. The outcome of this is still unsure to me, but I hope it ends with me going back home with my two sons. Just the three of us, safe and sound. Fuck everyone else.

I kissed the screen of my phone when a picture of both Christian and Antonio shown. "I love you boys with all my heart." I whispered. Fuck man. Look at me, doing this weird shit. Kissing and speaking to my phone as if it was actually them. I rose from the couch, grabbing the gun in the process. Then I made my way upstairs to Joseph's room. I grabbed a gray hoodie from the closet and slipped it on. I stood in front of the cracked mirror that hung on the wall by the door. My reflection scared me. My eyes appeared dark and empty. This situation has really awoken the devil in me. He has slept for years and now he's ready to be fed. Fed with the fear and suffering of those who wronged me. 

I may sound crazy, but that's just who I am. I never took betrayal or people fucking with me lightly. I've been that way all my life. When I first saw Diamond back in high school, damn, she was like a goddess sent from the heavens. Now when I think of her, it's all gone. The love, the feelings, everything. I'm completely cleansed of any good thought or memory I had of her. She's dead to me now...or will be.

Diamond

Later on I'm going to have to go over to the travelling office and reschedule our plane ride back home. I tried to do it on my laptop, but the WiFi is down unfortunately. Owen's spring break ends next week, so the kids and I are gonna have to leave soon.

Tammy still has the kids so I had nothing to do. I sat on the couch fiddling with my thumbs, just trying to figure out something to do. Anything to kill my boredom. I stood up and made my way upstairs. Patrick was sitting on my bed reading something. As I got closer, I realized what it was.

A scrapbook I made years ago as a freshman in high school. I forgot all about it. I stopped using it once Patrick and I stopped being friends.

I saw that he was on a page made about our friendship. Patrick looked toward me. "Oh, I didn't even notice you standing there."

"Where'd you find that?" I asked.

"Sorry, I was just snooping around and found it under some shoe boxes in the closet. It has an old school picture of you on the front, so I decided to be a little nosy." He stated. I sat next to him and examined the page he was on.

Patrick smiled. "I miss these days a lot. I swear I haven't been that close to a friend until I met you and we started hanging out together all the time. There wasn't one moment where we weren't doing something together." His smile faded away. "My brothers got so jealous."

My mind wandered to the days when Patrick and the guys bullied me. I swear I wish I can just forget it all. But somehow, something reminds me of it again. Patrick changed the subject, noticing the expression that appeared on my face. He chuckled.  "Remember the time we had went to Mr. Joe's Ice Cream Parlor just a couple blocks down from my mom's house? Well, it's not there anymore but I still remember when we got ice cream from there, and when we were walking back to the house I purposely bumped you and your ice cream slipped out of your hand and fell."

I smiled, remembering that very moment. "I remember it as clear as day." I told.

"I had to give you mine from how upset you were." Patrick chuckled. He turned to the next page in the scrapbook. It shown more pictures of us two. Great memories frozen in time. I miss these days just as much as Patrick does. I wish we were still best friends and as close as we were back then.

Patrick says he still wants to be with me, despite everything I've done in the past. I don't know how he can still feel for me when I've done him so wrong, but I can tell he's holding back a little. I know he wants to trust me but he doesn't want to go all the way. I don't blame him at all.

I regret a lot that I've done. I never wanted to hurt anybody, especially Patrick. I've ruined what could have been a great relationship. We could have been married, living together with Owen and maybe more children. But I fucked everything up, and I couldn't feel more terrible about anything. I love Antonio and Christian with all my heart, but this isn't the life I want. I regret having them by Anthony. I don't necessarily think abortion is wrong, but I just couldn't do it at the time. I didn't have it in me, but looking back on it now, I should have done it.

Thinking about everything I've done and ruined caused a tear to trickle down my face. I tightly squeezed my eyes shut to discontinue the tears. Patrick glanced over at me and furrowed his eyebrows. "Diamond, what's wrong?"

I sniffed back the tears. "Patrick...you say you forgive me but I know you really don't. After everything I've done and caused, I don't even understand why you're still here. When I tell you I'm deeply sorry, I really am," I cried. "I never wanted to hurt you."

Patrick wrapped his arms around me, embracing me tightly. "I'm still here because I still love you Diamond. My heart is too big to just forget what we had, and I believe we can get back to the way we were. It just takes time and progress."

Could we actually get things back to the way they were? I wasn't too sure about it and I know he's not either. He's just saying that to make me feel better. I want that more than anything, but we can't do so if Anthony is still out to get us.

Patrick pulled away and wiped his thumbs across my face, clearing away the tears that had fallen. "Stop crying okay? I know things are hard but we'll get through this. I know we will."

"Patrick?" I sniffed. "Do you trust me?" I questioned. I just needed to know.

Patrick hesitated for a few seconds. He sighed deeply. "I'm not going to lie to you Diamond. I'm making progress with my trust in you. I just don't want to let my guard down yet, do you understand what I mean?"

I nodded my head. "Yes, I understand."

3:30 PM

I just got off of the phone with Tammy. Surprisingly, she told me she was having a great time with the kids and will drop them off later at six. I miss my babies, I was so bored without them. Luckily, my mom decided to let me use her car to drive to the travelling office to reschedule our flight back home. I sauntered over by the front door and grabbed her keys, then I headed out of the door. My phone vibrated with a text, so as I stepped on to the porch my head was down. Across the street, I heard a car door close. It was just a natural instinct to take my attention from my phone and look up to see who it was. Once I saw who it was, I stopped dead in my tracks. My eyes widened and my heart had sunken to the back my chest, beating much faster. I felt like like passing out.

It was Anthony.