Unravelled

Chapter Four

I spend what feels like hours sat on the couch, my face held in my palms. My phone rings multiple times, but I don't even bother to see who it is.

How the fuck could this have happened right under my nose?

And how dare she suggest I was in love with her? She doesn't get to just turn this around on me. And she doesn't get to blame me for her leaving the group. We all knew she'd wanted to go solo from the beginning - we all fucking did. We auditioned as soloists. But she kept insisting that she had 'things she needed to get off her chest and write about' and that she 'couldn't hold in the pain any longer'.

She wasn't writing about me though, right?

I hadn't actually listened to her solo songs, purely because I'd been so pissed that she'd do it all behind our backs. Maybe after this encounter, it'd be a good idea to listen to them.

I grab my laptop, and search Camila's name on YouTube. The first suggestion that comes up is 'Camila and Lauren', and out of a sheer desire to prove that bitch wrong, I search our names and go on one of the first corny ass compilation videos I find. This one is pretty fucking old, but it should do.

(https://youtu.be/8Fe6Y74UkcI)

I'm suddenly transfixed...no.

No.

If I had feelings for Camila, I would've known, right? I feel everything with such an extreme intensity there's no way I could've ignored this...whatever it was. I try desperately to put myself back in the headspace of that 16 year old girl, to decipher anything I could've possibly felt for her, but I'm so overwhelmed all my attempts are futile.

The video's still playing, and I don't even notice the tears that had been falling from my eyes until they leave a salty taste in my mouth.

I also don't hear the door opening --

'Hey babe, I got us some take out-'

I turn around, tears exposed, laptop still playing, to Lucy's blank face. She registers the screen of my computer and drops the bags in her hand.

'What the fuck?'

'Babe, it's not what it looks like--'

'I think it is, Lauren. Are you not crying your eyes out to a 'camren' video right now?'

'Okay...maybe it is what it looks like.'

Her anger quickly defuses; she lets out a wistful sigh. I'm in such deep shit.

'Look, I'm not going to jump to any conclusions as long as you just talk it out with me, okay? What happened?'

She comes and stands over me, wiping the tears from my face.

How the fuck did I get so lucky?

I tell Lucy about the texts and my encounter with Camila, and she just sits beside me listening, not saying a word.

'She basically convinced me I must've had feelings for her at some point, so I just wanted to watch this video and prove her wrong...but I don't think I did. I think she's right, Luce.'

'Well...do you love her now?' She asks sadly.

'I don't even know her now, babe. And I'm madly in love with you. It's just overwhelming to realise feelings so long after they existed. This has absolutely no effect on my feelings for you, though. It's always been you.'

Now it's Lucy's turn to start tearing up, and I pull her into my arms quickly to catch the tears on my shirt.

'You don't have to just say this to keep me happy Lauren. We were best friends first and you know that's what we'll always be, no matter what. After all the shit you've been through with the group, don't make me another burden for you to bear.'

'You know you're anything but a burden, babe.'

'Still, as long as you're just open and honest with me about all this, I'll still love you no matter what.'

'Stop talking like that.'

'Like what?'

'Like this is over.'

'Never. I just don't want you to hurt yourself to avoid hurting me.'

She pulls away from my shoulder and I put my hands on her face, pulling her in for a delicate kiss.

'I'm crazy about you Lucy, I just need some time to gather my thoughts a little bit.'

'Well it's a good thing you're back to work next week,' she says with a small smile.

Lucy and I spend the rest of the night watching movies and eating junk food, talking about the world and talking about music. I push Camila to the back of my head, promising myself I'd get back to her tomorrow.

(A/N: thanks so much for all your kind messages and support; it means the world. I'm not feeling my best, but I'm still here, so that counts for something, right? And sorry if you don't like Laucy, but I don't feel like it's fair to villainize the girl just for being a person we'd rather be Camila. I don't think it's necessary for their relationship to be invalidated just because of Camren. Obviously in an ideal world, it'd be Camila irl - but Lucy's known Lauren since they were little and has been a rock for her, so let's not attack her for being a good person to have in Lauren's life. Let's just focus on positive vibes for everyone! Lots of love, until next time ❤)