Dearest Evelyn

-chapter 34-

“What is it?” I asked, already impatient. “I’m not pregnant, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

Whatever he was going to say was now hesitated. His look twisted in confusion. My statement had obviously thrown him off track, which irritated me.

“Then why—“

“Nevermind.” This was getting old, quick.

He shook his head and lowered his tone to the way it was previously. He was giving me the look that I knew meant he was about to say something sentimental. Well crud.

“Look, during battle today, Gwin pulled me aside. He told me something. Asked me to do something for him.”

Uh-oh.

He looked down now as he spoke, away from my gaze. “He . . . he asked if in case something happened to him, I’d look after you.”

I began to protest.

“Now before you riot,” he stopped me, staring at me with what looked to be suppressed elation. I could only pray he wouldn’t murder Gwin just for me. “Hear me out.”

I grimaced. He’d said that before.

“He’s been stressed over us.” Hector shrugged. “I’m not sure why. I know he hasn’t said anything to you, and I can’t blame him. But he . . . suggested you free rein.”

“What?”

“With me.”

“What are you getting at, Hector? No need to be modest.”

“Eve,” he breathed, breaking into a smile. “Don’t you realize what this means?”

No. I wasn’t even sure what he was talking about.

He inched closer to me in the way that was all too familiar. My heart fluttered, and I had to remember to suppress myself. I couldn’t let those old feelings stir. I had to let go and leave it behind. He wasn’t helping, but already his wonderful smell was bringing back old memories.

No, cut it out, I told myself. This wouldn’t happen again.

“He said he’d turn a blind eye if it truly made us happy.”

“We’re married.” I reminded him.

He shook his head, his face only inches from mine. “I know. But he told me that if that was what made us happy, he’d look to the side.”

“He can’t mean it. You’re being selfish, Hector.” I glanced up at him, inwardly yelling at my fluttery stomach to shut up. “He loves me deeply, and if we did . . . this . . . it’d only break him.”

He looked pained. “You mean to tell me . . . you don’t care anymore?”

“I do, but I can’t.” I sighed. We had been over this before.

“Eve, we’re free to love each other.”

“It isn’t right.”

He was buckling in defeat. “Only a few weeks ago you’d give anything for this moment!”

“I’m sorry, Hector.”

He silenced me with a kiss. For some reason, my body refused to move away or resist. My ring felt heavy upon my finger.

I dared glance up at him when he moved back a bit. His was smiling gently in the way he only smiled for me.

I abruptly stood. “Not here, not now.”

I wasn’t sure what I meant by that, but I left, leaving him to wallow once more in despair. I wouldn’t betray my own promise to Gwindire. Not even for Hector.