One and Only

Chapter 27

Leda's P.O.V.

I walk back to my room after that 'talk' with Thea. I made it sound like it was her fault which it isn't. I didn't mean to make it sound like that. I am happy she's finally happy and has everything she wished for. She deserves it. I have a secret deep inside that is eating me alive. Day by day it takes a piece of me. Day by day it takes over. I don't want to tell anyone. I promised I wouldn't. I mean, how could I? Why would I? Well because it would make myself feel better would be one reason to but I can't. The emotions are coming back. I feel the knot in my stomach and the feeling wash over my body. I grab some clothes and go to the shower. I turn the water on hot as it will go and step in. The water burned my skin but that's what I need. I need my skin to burn off so I can get new. I need skin that he didn't touch. I grab my trusty razor and slice my skin. Blood falls onto the shower floor. I slide down and sit on the floor. I feel the warm tingling feeling along my wrist. Drop. Drop. Drop. The blood falls drop by drop. I grab the razor again and make another. 1 for being stupid. 2 for letting him. 3 for being easy. 4 for being used. 5 why not another. 6 because I'm sick. 7 because I need to die.

I lay my head back on the wall, and let my arm lose blood drop by drop. Once I'm finished in the shower, I dry off and go to my room. I take out my first aid kit and place bandages on my arm. I wrap it up with gauze and put a long sleeve on. I walk over the the mirror and just stare at myself. What am I? I don't recognize the person staring back at me.

I walk over to my desk and take out a little bag. I open the bag and take out two little pills. I call them my savers. My life. My relief. But everyone else just calls them oxycodone. I put both pills inside my mouth and swallow. Won't be too long until I feel free. Like I'm flying. Like I'm okay.

You see, a few months ago I was interested in this boy. And he was interested in me too or so I thought. He was only interested in my pants. One night I was hanging with him and he wanted to have sex which I denied. He didn't take being denied easily. After I told him no, he was 'taking me home' when he pulled off the road into an empty wooded area. I knew exactly what was going to happen. I tried to get out of the car but he looked the doors. I tried to cal someone but he took my phone. He threw me in the backseat and began to take my clothes off. He tried kissing me but I wouldn't let him, so he held my face so hard so he could kiss me. He took off my pants and put himself inside me. I fought with all my might, but he was too strong. After a while I just stopped fighting. I knew I couldn't get away from him. I just sobbed quietly. After he was done he told me not to tell anybody because nobody would believe me anyway since his dad is a big time lawyer. Which I knew he was right. So I haven't said anything. I won't say anything.

I was right, the pills kicked in and I feel weightless. Like I could fly. But the feeling doesn't last long. I went to get more but I realized I was out. Shit. I have to get more. I decide to take my sleeping pill to try and sleep. Luckily the combination of both, knocked me out cold.

My alarm clock went off which meant it was time to go to hell. Which honestly, I haven't been to school all week and it's already Friday. I have my friend get my homework which I still complete most of the time.
I get out of bed and hurry to get ready and leave before everyone wakes up. Once I finished I went downstairs and started out the door.

"Why you leaving so early?" I heard mom ask.
Shit. I gotta think of a lie.
"I have to go in early."
"Oh. Okay. Have a good day." She said.
I smiled and walked out. That was easier than I thought.

I met up with Mark, my dealer. I got my same deal 40 pills. That should last a week or maybe half. I took my pills and went to the empty house I found. That's my routine. I always go to the empty house instead of school. Lately has been hard. I've been struggling with things for some time now. I just haven't told anyone. Ever since the trial I've been getting hate. It's been getting worse.