In Another Life

church trubles

Diane's P.O.V
"Holy fuck!" Jessica screams, grabbing her shoes, and running out the door. I follow her out side. Dad is waiting in the silver SUV, looking red in the face and panicked.
"Hurry up Jessica!" He yells out the window at her. Jessica picks up speed, jumping into the drivers rear seat, I get in after her. As I she can feel me squished between the door and the seat Infront of me, Jessica moves over. I silently thank her, and touch her leg. She shivers at my touch, but a smile creeps onto her lips.
       We are driving at a speed of 80 km/hr on a twisty road, causing Jessica so bump into me, causing me to knock over the thermos by my feet.
"What was that?" Dad asks, looking at Jessica through the rearview mirror.
"Sorry." She says, already cleaning up the spilled water.
"It's fine." Dad says, his eyes moving back to the road.
    We pull up to the church and park in the parking lot. Before dad even stops the car, he's unbuckled.
"What are you talking about?" I can hear our priest say, calmly but a hint of fright is crept into his voice.
    Dad runs out of the car, closely followed by Jessica. I get out of the car, but stay on the side walk out front. Too scared to get too close to the church in fear of someone "dealing my presence." They always say that in churches, "I can feel her/his presence now." I just freaks me out.
Although I'm outside. I can still here the loud voices from inside.
"Okay, you need to explain what is going on to me." I here my dad's voice ask.
"She's there Darl!" She cries. She sounds scared. I feel terrible for making her feeling like this.
"Who?" The father says.
"Diane." My mom says, he voice croaks.
I can here Jessica laugh. I can already see the taken back face of my father.
"Why did you laugh?" My dad says, his voice sounds angry.
"I don't know." Jessica says, she sounds ashamed.
"How could you laugh?" My mom says, her voice shaking.
"Mom. Diane's dead. Your brain is probably in denial." Jessica says, she sounds so smart. I siliently laugh.
     I walk closer to the church. The voices are starting to fade.
"Jessica, you are most likely right. I've been trying to explain this to your mother since she got here."
"I am NOT in denial. I am not crazy!" My mom says. Her voice is sad, but quite. I move closer, now standing on the cement steps Infront of the church.
"We believe you." My dad says.
"No we don't!" Jessica shreiks.
"Jessica, you need to understand your mom. What she is going through right now." Says the father.
"Yeah! Because I'm not going through it too!" Jessica yells.
"Jessica!" Dad says back, his voice stern, "do not raise your voice in this church!" Jessica chuckles.
"You guys have no clue!" She says. I can hear foot steps coming towards me.
     The old wooden doors open and red faced Jessica comes out.
"I know you are here." She says under her breath.
"Jessica." I say, not sure if she heard me or not.
    I knock on the brick wall, more mores code.
'Don't be so mean to mom and dad.' she shakes her head.
"I know, I'm sorry." She sits down against the wall. I can still hear the loud raised voices inside.
"If you were here, you would be so angry at me." She mummbles, giggling like a phycopath.
'I am here Jess.' I say through a series of taps on the brick. Her face turns panicked and a look of empathy crosses her face.
"Sorry Diane, I just." She pauses to hide her face in her hand. Which are shaking terribly, "I feel so alone." The tears come now. She sobs loud. An ugly cry, the kind with lots of snot, and where you get a blotchy red face.
"No one listens to me." I can hardly understand her, her voice is snotty and muffled.
"Why did you do this?"she yells, her voice turning from sadness to anger.
"Leave me alone to live without you. Live my life wondering why the fuck I wasn't good enough!" Her face is red for a different reason than before now.
"You let me alone Diane!" I cry now, so hard my knees shake and I fall to the cement ground. My knee making painful contact with the cement.
"You know, it's not easy living with two ignorant, selfish, stupid parents Daine." She is crying and making odd noises that come from the back of her throat.
"You just, killed yourself." She looks around, her eyes bulging and bloodshot. "Without a warning, no indication what was going on."
"Why did I do it?" I say out loud, knowing she won't hear me.
"You don't think I have never had suicidal thoughts?" She continues, making it clear she never heard me.
"It's not easy having no friends at school and no support at home." She looks right at me, "no support except for my older, amazing sister." I sob, deep, soulful sobs.
"Who left me." She falls back onto her knees, hands shaking and bottom lip trembling.
"She left me." Her voice now seems to come from somewhere else. Almost from above me.
"Left." Now her voice is behind me. But she stays Infront of me.
"Fucking left." Her voice has no trace of sadness or tears in it. It's just the same Jessica voice I've loved since I was 3 and she came home.
    My baby sister. I hurt her more than I was hurting. I hurt her too much for me to bear. What did I do? Why did I do it?

              My baby sister......

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