Three Words to Remember

Hollow Point Smile

The first thing I did after I composed myself enough to think clearly was call Alex. I can't even begin to think about this decision without him. If he doesn't want to do this, than the answer will be easy. Right now, he's so much more important than a child I'd never met. 

I know that sounds heartless, but I didn't want this to happen. The sex that created her wasn't even consensual... Or recreational... I think that gives me an excuse to put my long term boyfriend above her. I don't necessarily not want her, but I also don't necessarily want her. I just need time to think clearly. 

The phone rang a few times before it went to his voice mail. I can't believe he declined my call. Fucker. I guess that's the rule, but he should know by now I wouldn't call unless I needed him. And I did. 

I didn't even bother leaving a message. I just hung up and called his mother's cell next. Hopefully she'll answer. 

After a few rings she did, "Hello?" she asked. 

"I- Isobel?" I asked, my voice not as steady as it should have been. 

"Jack?" she asked, sounding concerned, "Are you ok sweetie?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "I don't think so."

"What's wrong? What do you need?" she asked frantically, "Do you want to talk to Alex?"

"N- no," I said, trying to keep myself composed, "Can you tell him to come home though, I need him."

"Of course, he'll be there soon," she said, "What happened? Do you want me to stay on the line until he leaves?"

"No, that's ok," I said, "I need the time to compose myself. And I think it would better if Alex was the first to find out."

"I think he's still asleep but I'll wake him up," she said, "Just, let me know if you're ok..."

"Thank you so much," I said before hanging up. 

Hurry home Alex, I need you. 

~

It was about 20 minutes later when I heard the side door open. In that amount of time I had managed to move from the floor to the couch, but I was still kind of a mess. 

"Jack?" Alex yelled, worry lacing his voice, "Where are you baby?"

"Couch," I choked out. I may have cried a little bit. And because of that, my chest had tightened up, making it hard to breath. 

When he came into the room and saw the shape I was in, he ran over to the couch and pulled me into his chest. 

"Hey, hey now. Calm down baby, you need to breath," he said, his voice soothing and gentle. 

I opened my mouth to tell him what was wrong but he shushed me, "Whatever it is can wait until you calm down. You seem to be on the verge of a panic attack, and I never want you to experience that. Just listen to my voice and try to breath, ok?"

He then started to sing for me. He sang Hold Onto Me by Mayday Parade. I did as I was told and focused on his voice. The song was slow and soothing so, by the end of it, I was calm enough to breath regularly and string together cohesive thoughts.

"Better?" he asked, kissing my hair. 

I nodded and relaxed into his chest, "Thank you."

He started playing with my hair, "Do you want to talk about whatever happened?"

I sighed, "I don't really have much of a choice. This is kind of a big deal and it effects you almost as much as it does me. I just don't know where to start."