Three Words to Remember

Tongue Tied and Terrified of what I'll Say

Sitting by myself in the waiting room at the adoption agency main office was probably one of the most stressful situations of my entire life. It had been a few weeks since I-with the assistance of Alex and our parents-decided I was going to raise my child. Today marks the first offical step in the process of gaining custody. I had to have a one on one interview with a social worker, where he or she will basically violate my life for things that would make me an unfit parent.

I shifted uncomfortably in the blue vinyl seat and glanced around the room. There were a few couples present, but I was the only person by myself. Since I wasn't married to Alex, he didn't have to go through this shit. Pretty much the only thing he had to do was look pretty for the home evaluation; if it even goes that far. I mean, I've done some illegal things before... Well, I suppose it could be worse, I'm not like, a child molester or something.

"Mr. Barakat?" the receptionist called; signaling it was time.

I got up and followed a man with a clipboard through the building before reaching an office with a closed door.

"You'll be speaking with Anne today sir," he said, signaling me to go inside the office.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. The office inside had pale blue walls with white furniture. Anne was sitting at a desk in the center that held an Apple computer, some file folders, a mug of what I assumed to be coffee and other miscellaneous things. Behind her desk there were book shelves filled to the burst.

When she saw I had come in, she smiled nicely and motioned for me to sit down in one of two white cushioned seats. All of the white in this room would probably make me go crazy if I had to spend any significant amount of time here.

"Good afternoon Jack," she said happily, "It's good to see you."

"Likewise," I said, returning the smile. I was doing my best to act casual. But yeah, I'm pretty nervous. I mean, if this goes badly, it's all over. Is it bad that the more I think, the more I really do want this?

"Are you nervous?" she asked light-heartedly.

I nodded right away; making her chuckle, "There's no need to be. We're just going to have a nice casual conversation. It takes a lot to fail this step. Usually the people who do have been arrested multiple times or are child predators."

I nodded again; a little worried because, even though I've only been arrested once, I kind of live the part boy lifestyle. I mean, I'm 28 years old and I act like a 21 year old; that's probably not going to be good for me.

"So we'll start off with something simple," she said, still smiling, "What's your current financial state?"

"Well, I do pretty well for myself," I shrugged, "Being in a band that's known worldwide pays pretty well..."

"Yeah, I didn't think that would be a problem, but I had to ask anyways," she responded, "Since your band is known worldwide, how often are you gone touring? And for how long a time?"

I sighed internally; this is the question that might kill me, "Well, recently our booking manager's been going a little crazy, so we've been gone a lot... But usually, we'd leave for a couple of months to go somewhere and when we get home we spend at least 2 weeks here in Baltimore before leaving again. But I spoke to my bandmates, and they're fine with backing off on the touring for a few years..."

Yeah, Rian and Zack are saints. They took this news like fucking champs and I will forever love them for it. Besides, Rian will do anything to spend more time in LA with his girlfriend.

"Well, Jack I'm not stupid," she said, her tone changing to be more serious, "I know how rockstars live on tour. What with the alcohol and all the sex and the parties. I need to know that Michelle will not be around that at all."