I never knew

Bubble bath

I went and got Lexi from the bedroom as she started crying I gave her some food and changed her diaper then went back outside seeing Jeremy creating a fire. Justin took my hand and pulled me down onto his lap and wrapped both arms around me and kissed me on my cheek.

'Hey Lex how long are you going to stay awake for now?' Justin asked.

'Most probably not long' I said.

'So guys what's next?' Jeremy asked stuffing food into his mouth.

'What do you mean?' Justin asked.

'Well you've got a baby, got a house together what's next? Marriage? Another baby?' Jeremy asked.

'Not too sure. If we have another one it definitely won't be for a while since Lexi is only just over 2 months old' I nodded in agreement.

'She's fell asleep again' I said laughing.

'She is definitely is tired. Do you want me to go put her down?' I shook my head.

'No it's fine I will' I said standing up then walking back to the beach house.

I placed Lexi into her cot giving her a kiss on the cheek then I went into the bathroom taking a quick shower. I got changed into sweatpants and a short sleeved t-shirt I slipped on my vans and put my hair up in a bun then walked out to the beach.

Justin was sitting with Pattie and Jeremy playing with Jazzy and Jaxon having fun. They looked so perfect together as it was how would I fit into the picture? I don't know why it was hitting me when I'd already told Justin I could see myself with the family but I really couldn't go down to the beach so I went back to the room and sat down on the bed. My hands started shaking am I having a panic attack?

'Taylor?!' I heard Justin call I didn't reply he couldn't see me like this. He walked into the bedroom and saw me shaking he rushed over to me.

'I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry' I said running my fingers through my hair.

'Tay, what's wrong? We were having a good time 20 minutes ago' I took deep breathes trying to calm myself.

'I know it's just... I walked out and saw all you guys having so much fun and being a family and I tried to put myself there and I just freaked' I said looking down as my breathing became harder.

'Taylor, look at you you're sweating let's get you in the bath' he said softly.

'I-I've just had one' I said.

'Have another one I'll go run you a warm one with bubbles' he said helping me up and going into the bathroom where he sat me down on the toilet seat while he ran me a warm bubble bath.

'It's ready' he said turning the water off I stood up.

'Look away' I said slipping off my shoes.

'Tay, I've s-'

'Please' I whispered he nodded and turned around and I got undressed. I got into the bath and put the bubbles over my body so none of it was showing.

'You done?' Justin asked.

'Yeah' I said and Justin turned around and came over and kneeled to the ground and grabbed a sponge and dipped it in the water and started dapping it across my forehead sighing.

'Tay, you're too beautiful to be driving yourself crazy like this'

'I'm sorry I'm just scared' I whispered. He looked at me as he ran his wet fingers across my cheek.

'Taylor, they love you so, so much. I'm here for you anytime all the time. I'm here to let you know that we need you. Not just me okay? Scooter, Yael, me, Lexi, my dad, my mum, Jazzy and Jasmine we all need you. You do belong in our family promise' he said staring deeply at me I nodded and looked down. 'Just relax okay? Please tell me you have your tablets on you?' I nodded.
'Please take them when you get out the bath' he said softly I nodded. 'Thank you' he said.