Regrets (H20Vanoss) DISCONTINUED

Chapter 8 - Back to being numb

WARNING!! Sensitive subjects involved in this chapter! Please do not continue to read this story as the rest will only be worse. Lets just say things will get beautifully dark and screwed up.

Craig's POV

I woke up and turned over. I reminded myself about what happened yesterday. I should've said something, god I'm so stupid.

He was gone, for good. There was nothing I could do about it.

I made a plan by myself to hang out with Evan. Just a day where we could play video games, and probably invite the rest of the guys over. Its been a while since we all hung out together. I need it badly.

I don't even care about school right now. To be completely honest I had no idea what day I was. Yeah, I could check but I'm too lazy.

I didn't feel happy, but I didn't feel the way David did. He looked so torn. I thought to myself about ideas of why he had to leave, and why he was so broken last night. We've only known each other for roughly a month. I didn't know he would get that attached to me.

I turned over and grabbed my phone from the table. I texted Evan telling him to come over. I could've asked if he actually wanted to but I dont care. He was coming over no matter what.

I got up and walked downstairs to make myself breakfast, or lunch. It was 12:30 so I assumed Evan wouldn't be busy. Unless he was at school but then i'd tell him to leave.

I finished making my lunch and checked my phone. He still didn't text back, which is a bit strange for him since he normally is always on his phone. I decided to text the rest of the guys to come over. All of them responded within 5 minutes saying they'd be over soon.

I looked down at my food and realized I didn't have a shirt on. It wouldn't be anything new to them because of my habit about forgetting to put a shirt on. But I thought about being considerate so I put on a black t-shirt.

Walking back downstairs, plate in hand, I heard the door open and Brian, Marcel, and Lui walked in.

"Sup bitches" I said, a smile on my face.

They all said hi and Lui and Marcel went into the living room. I could hear them going through the video games. Brian went into the kitchen to grab some chips. It was my responsibility now to get the drinks. Normally Evan would do it but since he's being a little bitch and hasn't texted back yet I got stuck with it.

"Hey Craig where's Evan?" Lui said.

"I don't know, he wont answer my text" I answered. "He's probably busy or something"

Who knew I'd never get another text from him.

2 Years Later

I set up missing person posters all over the city, and gone to the police more than 1000 times. No body believed me I looked like a mess. They probably thought I was on drugs. But how could you blame me? My friend was missing and no one cared, no police even tried to look into his case.

I graduated school and lost contact with Brian and Marcel. Occasionally I'd receive a text from Lui, but I was hardly ever sober enough to reply.

That was my escape from this. I've been drinking a lot. It still was never enough. I still felt all the pain.

I spent most of my day's home trying to find information about where he could have gone. I didn't get anything...ever. All I know is that his mom isn't around anymore either. I have no idea where she is but she let me know she was moving far away. She didn't look any better than I did at the time, her cheeks were hollow and dark circles made her eyes look sunken. I'm sure she started drugs.

I'm lucky to have my parents pay everything for me but I'm not sure if it's really that good. I'll probably be better off homeless. I wouldn't be able to afford driving myself insane scoured the internet on information.

I read over multiple websites, browsers, even god damn videos trying to find something. But i finally felt as if i exhausted all my options and sources. I considered using the deep web once an a while. I'm to much of a pussy to use it, but now it feels like the only option I left to try.

I rubbed my face and shut my laptop forcefully. I groaned out loud. I'm so frustrated at the situation I picked up my laptop and threw it across the room. Hearing the laptop break I sat up and sat of the side of my bed. My eyes were heavy and started to get blurry with hot tears. It hurts. It hurts a lot and i don't know how to make it better. I want to be happy again, i want Evan back.

I sat there for a bit and cried. I hadn't cried in a while. It reminded me of my middle school years. My mind wandered toward the bathroom where a object of sweet release laid on my counter. Only if it actually gave me 'release'. It never has before but, this is different than before.

The tears stopped and my mind went numb. I got up and headed toward the bathroom. I had gone many years clean. But I really didn't care about the 'accomplishment' right now. That's what they called it at the hospital, they called it a fucking accomplishment to become numb and bland. Evan...he was the one to make me something, he made me happy. He was the best friend I had always wanted. I kinda wished I liked him more then a friend but I could never bring myself to feel that way. Not that it mattered now, he's gone now.

I made it to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My hair has grown out to look like a mop of curls. My eyes were red and had big dark bags under them. I hate the way I look. For a while...I didn't. That's when Evan was around.

I looked down and picked up the razor and took out the blade. My mind thought about Jon. I knew what it felt like to be bullied, yet I bullied him to the point where he killed himself. He was always so quiet, but his face was so emotionless all the time. My curiosity grew as i thought about what could have happened to him to make him that way. So many rumors went around him hurting people. I wonder if he ever did this, or caused any physical pain to himself on purpose. I would think so.

Marcel mentioned something about the Luke guy saying something about "Something happening to her' . We never figured out who she was, but that was 2 years ago. All I knew is that she was involved with Jon somehow. Something bad must've happened.

I stared down at the cool metal object, rolling it in my hand for a while. Still feeling numb I drug it across my arm multiple times. Not stopping until I felt satisfied. But that feeling never came. The emptiness was still there, no matter how hard I pressed or how much my arm turned into a crimson colour. I eventually stopped. Knowing what to do I grabbed the Hydrogen Peroxide and poured it on my arm.

My face twisted in pain as white bubbles appeared on the surface. It felt so good, so right. But it always had a funny way of keeping me numb at the same time. I wrapped my arm in gauze and went back into my bed. Passing the broken laptop on the ground. Not bothering to clean it up since I knew no one would come home to see it anyway.