Regrets (H20Vanoss) DISCONTINUED

Chapter 20 - Breaking Barriers

Delirious POV

The initial sound was loud but nothing I couldn't handle. I could tell it bothered him though.

Cause there he was, standing there with a single tear falling down his cheek. Even though his face was showing that he enjoyed the dominant position. He probably hasn't felt this power since he....

His head turned to face me, it immediately dropped. Turning his hand to look at the gun, tears streamed down his face. He dropped the gun on the floor and fell to his knees placing his hands in front of him. I could hear soft, quiet sobs coming from him. And I hate it.

I walked quietly over to him, not actually knowing what I'm doing or what to do. Though it feels so right to hold him and comfort him. I crouched down beside him. Grabbing his shoulders I made him face me and he immediately put his head into the crook of my neck.

Memories flooded to my mind. They were of the last time I felt this way about someone, but even that was different. The last person I shared this kind of contact with is my sister, or maybe it was my best friend....its gotten blurry enough to the point where I don't have to worry about those emotions coming through. But he seemed to crash straight into that barrier. Its scaring me.

He left his arms limp at his sides as he cried. I looked up and took a deep breath. I have no idea where this leaves us, or what I'll do. I kill people for fun, because I want to. I cant have another person to care about, they'd just be a liability. But I cant hurt him, I don't know why. Ever since he's been here I haven't been able to bring myself to cause physical harm.

I slowly brought my hands up to grab the sides of his arms. I slowly stood up and made him follow my actions. Once we were standing I brought him out of the room. His body pushed against me, keeping his neck on my shoulder. He stopped crying but he was shaking.

I need to think but I don't want to leave him alone. Just leave him alone dammit! Fucking kick him out to the streets and kill hi-.

I let out a sigh when I cursed in my head telling myself to shut up. I should kick him out and kill him....no, you can't! Look at him! He's spent 2 years at Marks and he isn't as fucked up like Jack. He could be of value.

That's it! I'll just convince myself that he's valuable and maybe that'll shut him up. It'd help a lot, I'm so fucking done fighting with him.

We took small steps to the room where he was kept before I gave Craig away. After a few more minutes of small steps, we made it to the stairs. I was about to lead him up them when he turned and looked at me with his beaut- tear ridden face.

"Wh-why, I don't und-stand" He hiccupped and gave me a peculiar look.

"C'mon" I whispered.

What the fuck am I doing! Remember why you hate him! Why you should hate him! But, I cant. Just look at him, he just needs time. He's strong no doubt.

He wasn't as close to me as he was before. I tried to ignore it but I missed having him pushed against me, with his warmth...

I shook my head and brought a hand up to my hair. Rubbing my face, I looked over to him. His face spoke endless words. Confused, yet intrigued. Tired, but adventurous.

I opened the door and brought him into my living room. I asked him to lay down on the couch as I left to set out some clothes and a towel. Why am I doing this? What's gotten into me?

"Evan" I said softly. He picked his head up to look at me. "Go take a shower, I've set out some things for you"

He slowly stood up. Locking his eyes with mine, I wanted to keep staring at him. But I knew he had to take a shower. While he's doing that I'll prepare something to eat. He walked past me, brushing his shoulder against mine. He did that on purpose.

When I heard the door close and him lock it. I went into the kitchen to prepare something for the both of us. I pictured him shooting Smitty, his face showed dominance and power. but afterward, it showed fear, and confusion.

I opened a drawer that contained the pans and picked one up. Arguing with myself in my head.

Don't you remember what he did? What HE and Craig did? Huh? He's the reason she's dead! And why you don't even know what happened to him!

"Stop, I'll think about it later" I whispered a loud.

Your getting soft. You can't afford to have someone you care about! Tyler is coming over and he can't be seen.

"I said, I'll think about it later" I said between clenched teeth.

When huh? When you're fucking him?

"Shut the fuck up" I raised my voice and slammed the pan onto the stove.

I realized I was vocalizing my retorts to him. And that the shower had stopped. I stayed still, listening. After a few seconds the shower turned back on. I hope he doesn't get scared of me, but isn't that what I want? No? Yes?

I got out the food and began to cook it. Once I was done I placed it onto two plates. I put the plates on the counter I heard the bathroom door open. Evan walked out and drips of water fell onto his face. His eyebrows were pushed up and he wore concerned and scared look.

I gestured to the plate on the counter, expecting him to come and get it. When he didn't move an inch, I picked it up and brought it to him. He flinched when I gave him the plate. Making me wince in return. Noticing my action he looked and stared into my eyes, his look immediately softening.

I broke the eye contact and went back to the kitchen. Hearing him shuffle behind me.

"Please, tell me why?" He asked in a whisper.

"I don't know" I answered honestly.

Turning to look at him I saw the sweater I let him borrow fall off his shoulder. It revealed red lines, anger started filling my body. He noticed too and used his other arm to fix it, a small blush creeped on his cheeks.

Shit. Yay? Fuck?

"You can stay in the guest room if you want" I told him.

"I don't want to be alone" He sniffled.

I sighed. I don't, but I do, want him in my room. Maybe it was better if he stayed in my room. I can keep an eye on him. Why am I trusting him? Why am I doing this for him?

"Okay, you can stay with me" I looked down and sighed.

"We have to figure this out" He said randomly, strength in his voice.

"Figure what out?" I asked

"What the fuck is going on?" He yelled "First you rescue me from Mark, then you keep me in a basement! Make me kill someone, and now I'm sleeping in your bed...."

"I honestly don't fucking know" I admitted.

"Don't you remember who I am? And what I did to you" He asked.

"I've gotten forgotten those times for a reason" My voice hinting with anger.

He took a step back. The fear was placed back into him. It made me happy but also really fucking sad that he would think I'd hurt him. But I should be able to handle him being sad and scared! He is a huge reason I am who I am, and an even bigger reason I'm able to live this life.

"Just-just go eat and go to sleep. My room is across the bathroom" I sighed again.

Why am I doing this! Fuck me!