sick - im jaebum

four

the sheets around jaebum were too itchy. little, itty bitty threads poked into his exposed skin and even through his clothes. he tossed and turned, trying to figure out a way to make it work. he kicked off the sheets, but it was too cold. he was about to scream.

"grey. eternal sunshine. michael jackson." he repeated it like a mantra. in fact, he was so focused that he didn't even know subin was still up.

"why do you say those words?" she asked, looking over at him curiously.

his eyes shot open, and his ears heated to a red color due to embarrassment and anger. couldn't she see that he was in the middle of something?

"it distracts me."

"from what?"

he took a deep breath. "with my textile disorder, litte touches set me off. sometimes i can't stand to even wear clothes. and this god damn sheet is too itchy."

"why those words though? like, what's the significance of it?"

"it's my favorite color, my favorite movie, and my favorite musical artist," he explained. he hadn't noticed that he calmed down, but subin did.

"you're favorite color is grey?" she asked, scooting to the edge of her bed.

"yes," he said. "as a matter of fact it is. why?"

"it's not technically a color, though is it? it's more of a shade. jackson mentioned that to me when he was reading a book. he's not great at reading books, because he wants to tell everyone what's happening in it," subin went on a tangent.

"he's the blonde guy, right?" jaebum asked. "he seems nice."

"he is. it's hard to hold a conversation with him, though. with anyone here actually. jinyoung always focuses on a wrinkle on your clothes, or goes to make sure he locked his dorm room door. jackson obviously gets distracted. mark doesn't talk. and youngjae can never go a full sentence with out swearing, then he gets mad at himself, and it gets worse. bam and yugyeom are the only ones that you can have a decent conversation with. and yugyeom is one and done, since he forgets you the next time he sees you."

"i've never heard of his disorder before. what's it called again? amnesia something?" jaebum asked. the two were having a civilized conversation without irritation for the first time that day.

"close. amnestic disorder. it's like alzheimer's for old people, but he remembers everything up until age seventeen. now he forgets things in the span of an hour. it's getting worse, too."

"how-" jaebum cleared his throat. "how do we get out of here?"

"when they've found a good treatment for you, or when they've trained you well enough so that you can function. bambam, for instance, has to gain ten more pounds in order for him to get released. if he gets under a certain weight, he'll be right back. they're trying to find the right medicine for youngjae, jinyoung, jackson, and yugyeom. they're trying to crack mark and get him to talk," subin said, the moonlight hitting her face that casted a shadow under her jaw. she looked so delicate.

"what do you think they'll do to me?"

subin heard the fear in his voice. he didn't want to be here for as long as she was.

"since your case is rare, they'll probably do some tests on you, try some drugs, and if the drugs don't work, then you'll try to learn how to survive with your disorder."

"that's it? that's our reality?"

subin nodded, "it's been mine since i was eleven."