Beloved: A Henry Dawncraft Novel |boyxboy| Sequel to Lover for Pay

XI - Identical

"So you stopped by the old house, huh?" London asked. Henry was sitting beside him out in the back of the house. Everyone else had gone inside, but Henry thought he needed a moment to get some things off his chest. "You must have been thinking about TJ a lot lately. Are you okay?"

With a sort of doubtful shrug, Henry leaned back against the table supporting him. "I don't know. I guess, I have been. Since Daniel started mentioning babies more often lately, a part of me thinks it's bringing back a lot of memories for me. Most of them are bad, and the majority of them kept pushing me away from the idea of being a dad. How can I not be terrified of turning out like my father, y'know?"

London leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, "Yeah, but you've just got to remind yourself you're nothing like him." He sat back then and draped an arm over his brother's shoulder, "I may have been gone from your life for four years, but I was there for ten. You were my brother, I raised you more than TJ ever did. Look at me, Henry," London said then, and his voice hinted at a tone of seriousness. When his brother met his gaze, the tattooed man pushed Henry's long bangs out of his face, and said, "I'll always only ever be a phone call away. If you need some advice, if you need a helping hand, or ever need anything at all...I'm here."

Henry couldn't help being a little embarrassed whenever London went into his lovey dovey, big brother mode, but he also couldn't lie and say he didn't appreciate what his brother offered him. Neither of them ever really had a father even while Travis was in the picture, and though London himself had pretty much taken care of himself his whole life, Henry was glad to have someone like his older brother to turn to. Feeling his throat tighten up from the emotions crammed up in his heart, Henry tried to swallow them down and blinked away the tears ready to spill from his eyes.

"Fuck," he said, standing from where he'd been seated, "You were more of a dad to me than ours ever was, but...why do I regret not going to see him when all he does is apologize and ask to see me? I mean, what if he dies in there and I took away his last chance? I try to remind myself how much I hate him even though it tears me up that I'm not giving him a single bit of attention. Fuck," Henry cupped his face, "Am I a horrible person for not doing at least...that?"

London could see just how much all of this was getting to his brother, but he could definitely relate to how Henry was feeling right now. There were times he, too, wished he had more confidence to go and see Travis, but all he ever did was reply to his letters and tell him how things were going instead. No matter their past, all Travis wanted was to give a heartfelt apology for all he'd done.

"I don't want that," Henry said again, "I don't want any regrets that would backfire on me. I don't want my son to hate my guts, I don't want my daughter to ever wish she was never born like I did. I don't want that, London."

The tattooed man breathed in and out deeply, nearing his younger brother. And...for the first time...he didn't know what to say anymore.

From the rear door of the house, Daniel, who'd overheard most of what had been said, stepped into the yard and neared his husband. When Henry felt a hand upon his shoulder, he turned and hung his head at the thought of Daniel having heard him. Closing his eyes when a tender touch was placed upon his cheek, he listened when he heard, "Let's go home, babe."

Ashamed, Henry just nodded.

As they all made their way back into the house, Dorian was called down from upstairs and Joyce hurried down behind him. She went straight for London right away and asked if it'd be alright for Dorian to pick her up from school tomorrow. Though her eldest brother was a bit undecided at first, he agreed to the plea.

After choosing to stick around for dinner after talking surrogates for a while more, Henry and his husband and Dorian left London's place by 8:00pm. The best information Daniel heard about, was there was a surefire way to go for a surrogate that was in fact Jewish. Though his parents were far more traditional than him, while he and Henry weren't the strict religious type, his faith was still important enough to him to keep it in his family. And now that that was out of the way, it was about that time to head over to where Dorian stayed.