Writing About Love

Writer's Block

 Yoongi wasn't one to shy away from his problems. Facing things straight on led to less confusion or mixed up sentiments and those led to headaches. When a younger boy came barreling into his life full of exuberance and smiles, he always tried to keep his distance because here in front of him was someone who didn't understand that concept at all. Jimin constantly made him question his way of life and pushed him to be a more active person while also making him happier than he ever was previously.

He had never gone out with the intention of making friends before as Namjoon brought around enough people he found suitable. He liked his quiet way of life where everything fit perfectly and he could work on his music in peace. Until Jimin. Everything safe Yoongi knew ended at the younger boy. Maybe that's why when he began to question his feelings for Jimin he didn't freak out. Namjoon had brought around his fair share of people who were gay to the apartment before and Yoongi had never minded but he had never found another man attractive until one day he was sitting on a park bench waiting on Jimin.

Namjoon was having Hoseok over again and that meant he had to hide out somewhere until the other had gone home. Yoongi wondered to himself when Namjoon was going to admit he liked the dancer but he thought about Jimin and how this always gave him an excuse to see the orange-haired ball of excitement. Jimin was a dancer too and it was actually his practice studio that Yoongi was headed towards currently. He found a bench and pulled out his notebook to work for a little bit until Jimin appeared.

The words flowed easily when he thought about who he was meeting and soon he had scrawled out almost an entire page of possibilities. It was only when it began to get hard to see the notebook in front of him that he glanced up and became aware of his surroundings again. It was hours past the time Jimin was supposed to have finished and the sun was setting. He didn't freak out though because of the boy sitting on the bench opposite him fast asleep, Yoongi's hat pulled low over his eyes. What was he supposed to do now?

A couple a few benches over were making a scene, yelling and carrying on while a few joggers passed by him. A lawnmower was making his final rounds around the courtyard and Yoongi took a deep breath, sinking back into reality. The mower pressed closer and Yoongi eyed Jimin. He looked small enough to just carry. Maybe if he could fit both of their bags into place in front of him, he could give Jimin a piggyback ride. He was probably exhausted from classes and Yoongi didn't want the loud noises around him to jolt him awake because he'd be cranky woken up like that. Yoongi pushed the other thoughts disagreeing with that logic away and got up, sliding his writing stuff in his bag as he went.

It wasn't easy. Yoongi was never the most fit person and he struggled as Jimin shifted into place, mumbling under in breath in a sleepy voice. He wasn't asleep anymore but he only helped Yoongi along by tightening his legs around the others waist and pulling his arms tight to hold on. When he awoke in his own bed later, he was sure it had been just a dream until Yoongi came into the room with a bowl of ramyun.

"It was cold outside and you didn't wear a jacket. You're going to get sick and you don't have any soup to warm you up."

"So you made an unhealthy snack." Yoongi paused his walk towards the bed and looked down at the bowl in front of him.

"I can get something else, wait here."

"Just come here Yoongs." Jimin held out his hand and Yoongi sat down on the edge of the bed before setting the bowl down on the dresser beside the bed. He felt nervous for some reason but he couldn't put a finger on it until Jimin pulled him down to lay beside him. He was still on top of the blanket instead of under in with Jimin but that didn't stop the younger one from keeping his hand held tight as he drifted back into dreamworld. It was then, as he felt the other's breath ghosting across his face, that he really looked at Jimin. He thought about how it felt to carry Jimin and how he only got defensive when people looked at him a little bit funny for carrying another man on his back and how he loved Jimin's arms getting tighter around his neck. He was fucked. He rolled over and covered his face with his arm and for the first time since he could remember, he couldn't drift into sleep.

It didn't matter though, since a few days later he stumbled into a confession from Jimin and hadn't seen the boy since. He was currently lost in thought at his new studio and couldn't focus on his actual work at all. It had been that way since April and his record label was starting to get impatient with him. He just couldn't stop thinking about the boy who flipped his world upside-down before running out to leave him alone to deal with it. Since then, he had been to the club and tried to bring home a girl but every time he tried, they always lost his interest a few minutes in. He tried talking to Namjoon once he realized a month later that Jimin really wasn't coming back. Namjoon's only advice was to keep at trying to get ahold of him but eventually Yoongi couldn't force himself to do it. Everytime the phone went to voicemail he got to hear the same message he heard Jimin record in his bedroom one day and would be forced to remember the events of that day before recounting what happened the day Jimin left. Could he have stopped him? What would he have even said? He didn't even know if he was gay to this day, let alone ready for a relationship with another guy.

Somehow, it just felt like more of a break-up than just an ended friendship. Yoongi gave up for the night and packed his two bags. He might as well go home tonight and just hope that Hoseok and Namjoon would welcome him back. Hoseok had started living with them a month prior though he insisted he was just staying the night a few times and would go home soon. It didn't matter that he and Namjoon were going on 8 months of monogamy, they weren't dating if you actually asked the pair. Yoongi didn't care to sleep in his studio so they could play house but eventually a couch was only so comfortable.

He locked the door behind him and headed towards the convenience store on the corner that his friend from school worked at. Halloween was soon and the weather was starting to get colder. He sighed and pulled his arms in close to his body. It had been a few days since he had ventured outside and he didn't need a jacket the last time. Maybe human contact would be a good thing. Get the creative flow going again. When he spotted Jin trying his hardest to make a poster stick to the window he let out a laugh and pushed the door open.

"Maybe you need some help with that?" Jin nodded, his mouth occupied by a box of sticky tack. Yoongi opened the counter door and pulled the poster even and held it while Jin got the sides all tacked down.

"Thanks Yoongi. You think I'd be used to doing it every month but I haven't perfected a way yet."

"Just give me a call next time." Yoongi laughed and Jin looked passed him to the customer who hadn't moved at all since his friend had appeared and was just staring at them.

"You are in fact looking at the great Min Yoongi, producer and song-writer extraordinaire. He is my best friends best mate so if you would like an autograph I'm sure I can get you one." Yoongi blushed so hard he thought he was going to faint from the blood rush. The person Jin had confronted started shuffling around behind him but he didn't want to turn and face them. Instead he pulled his hoodie over his head and was ready to run. He had no such luck though because Jin grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around, putting him face to face with the last person he possibly wanted to see looking like he just crawled out of a hibernation cave.