I swear, I'm not suicidal

10 : s o r r y

CHAPTER TEN : SORRY

Should I do it? Or not? It's not like I'm committing suicide! Yet...

I just want to harm someone without murder and who else can I hurt without hurting anyone else? I have three choices. Me, myself and I. I am putting too much worry in this. I just want to do this but what will I do with the scars? I could always wear long sleeved shirts. Yeah, I could do that.

Without any more thoughts, I slit the knife on my arm, cutting myself. It hurts, but it hurts real good. Why haven't I done this before? The feeling is very indescribable. It feels so wrong but so right at the same time. I started laughing so hard I started to clutch my stomach. There isn't anything funny but for some reason, I just laughed like there's no tomorrow.

When I finally sobered up, I opened my eyes and looked around. SHIT! How am I going to hide the blood? IT'S FUCKING EVERYWHERE! Okay Aubrey, calm down. Just wipe it and dispose this shirt. I did what I told myself to do and viola! The bathroom doesn't have a speck of blood.

I bandaged the cut I did and changed into a long sleeved crop top and black bootie shorts. I took my appetite suppressant and went down the stairs. I can smell the aroma of bacon and eggs but I have to resist the urge to eat them. I saw Jen cooking breakfast in the kitchen and Liv sitting down on the barstools, waiting for the food to be ready. I plopped down next to her and gave her a smile.

She was wearing a red dress that was tight in the chest then loose on the hips. It ended mid thigh and she was reading black tights with red pumps that matches her dress. She had a black beanie and her hair was in her natural curls.

"Going to a club?" I jokingly asked her.

She chuckled and looked at my outfit. "I could say the same to you"

Zach comes running down the stairs with a big frown. He looked like he was throwing the biggest tantrum in the whole world. "You alright?" Jen asked him. He gave her a deathly glare that made Jen step back a little. He grabbed an apple and stormed off back to his room.

"Well, he's in a good mood" I said sarcastically. Liv chuckled at my statement.

Jen was done cooking breakfast and Liv wolfed it down. I'm so jealous of her! How could she eat so much and not gain any weight? She's perfect in every single way. She's the captain in the volleyball team. Boy's bow down to her feet and she is so nice. Oh the things I would do to be her.

When she finished eating, I grabbed a granola bar and grabbed our coats. When Liv wasn't looking, I shoved the granola bar in my backpack. We left the house after saying our goodbyes. My eyes widen at Mike's car. WHAT THE HELL?!? RICH MUCH? It was a white porsche... Oh how I want to drive that. Liv laughed at my reaction and tossed me the keys.

"Wanna drive?" She asked. I can tell she was trying her best to not smile but she's failing. I nodded vigorously which made her chuckle.

*~*~*~*

I have had a smile on my face the whole day. I LOOKED like the happiest person on the whole planet but I'm not. Maybe if I pretended to be happy, I will be happy. I laughed at all the jokes I heard. Every time I bump or accidentally hit someone, I will say sorry even if I didn't mean it. I offered help to everyone in practically everything.

Alex and Blake noticed my sudden change in mood and when they asked me, I just shrugged it off. Everyone must think that I'm the new giddy girl of the school which was what I was hoping for. I was able to hide my misery for now...