Y'know

Dirty, Bloody Bathrooms

Running away, from problems, life, cops or your feelings. Its never felt this bad.

The little boy inside me is crying back for my mum, but shes gone out of my life and all of its my fault. As i run something feels as if its gripping its nails in to my skin, strangling me and making it hard to breath. It may just be running and crying at the same time but it felt as if someone was clinging on to my back. Someone dark and wise, who knows the truth. But its holding me back from running away.

We reach a bus stop where there was a bench to sit on and have a fag. They all nattered on talking about their favourite type of dog. I sat there and felt empty like i had been taken over. I joined in as i heard the work husky and instantly had interested. After that we walked home as it got dark.

I sat on the sofa with my feet on the coffee table and a beer in my hand looking blankly at the screen but it was calming. My head tipping back my eyes only taking in part of it and making me feel like im falling, slow motion, legs lights, head heavy, emotions gone...nothing. I dont understand whats happening its weird, its something nasty and im not me, im sure it will go tomorrow.

I awoke slowly like an old bell being rang after not being rung for millions, i felt old.

Jason surprised me with an innocent kiss on the forehead as he looked lovingly in my eyes.

'Jim its like 2:00pm, how r still asleep?!' He said rolling his eyes. 

'Sorry mum!' I mumbled and i kissed him good morning.

'Hey jim can u come to the corner shop with me i need a monster and we're all out?' He questioned with pleading eyes and lip pouting.

'Sure babe, lets go' i said as i ran my hands through his hair and looked deep into his eyes. Such glow and hope.

There was no need to get changed as i fell asleep in my jeans, belt, keys and my wallet in my pocke. I grabbed a hoodie of the side and slung it over me so i wasn't completely shirtless, and we left.

We entered the shop with our hoods up looking the part for a crime. The people in the shop kept a close eye and i could feel them watching my every move (no chance if copping anything). I needed a waz so i made my way over to the public bathroom, it was really cold and dirty it smelt of piss and had been drawn/spray painted all over the wall. I went to lock the door behind me but it was broken, i guess i'll wait till i get home.

I got a glance of my face in the mirror and kinda laughed at myself, i walked closer...i was almost scared. I dont see why Jason loves me, i look like im dead. physically dead. I look like someone is wearing my cold white skin. My eye red and no longer has a spark of green, just grey. I get angry at myself and punch the mirror with out realising. My head pushed down so my greasy hair covers my broken face. The mirror had smashed and slit my hand in many places making me feel free and ridded of the monster following me. I watched it rise from deep beneath my skin and over flow, it dribbles, the thick warm liquid, pours it self over my hand. Seeping back in making me feel aware that i can never leave what i have that it will always come back. As it bleeds more and loving hand soothes my anger.
'Jimmy what have you done?' A soft voice whispered in my ear and kissed my neck. I looked up, after being fascinated, with my vision blurred fuzzy and painful. I kissed him and pulled his thick brown hair that lushly glided with the blood on my hand. He looked deep into me through his eyes, i could see his emotions, he could see mine. 'I can see through whats ever going on.' He breathed still looking deeply into my eyes like he was trying to reach out to me. 'How?' I barely whisper. 'Because, i love you jimmy.' He spoke proudly as he stroked his rough thumb across my crumbling face. 'I love you too jason.' It wasnt a kissing moment, it was a reassuring moment.

He helped me up and held my hand. 'Common jimmy, i only came for a monster.' He joked and ruffled my hair.
We walked out the shop both covered in blood as if nothing had ever happened. The walk home i didnt speak a word just held his warm hand, as he told me things would be okay.

Wow i havent written in ages sorry also sorry that its so emo lmao. I havent pre read it bc im lazy and its late so yh. I might start a poem kinda thing idk.