Y'know

silent footsteps

today i felt nothing once again after the out brake i hadnt felt quite the same, even being high didnt feel as good coz thats normally my go too. jason helps but i just cant get around how everything was shit since i was born and i knew nothing better, i had no effort to turn it around either. the only thing i could do to help was fucking around with the law because that let it out in anger.

jason hugged my from behind and kissed my neck as he handed me a spliff that burnt slowly, filling the air on the reliable drug. "finish it babe i know you need it." he said stroking the side of my pale cold face, soon to be felt warm and fuzzy. the spliff had only just been lit meaning Jason really just rolled it for me. god i love him. i turned round, kissing him with need. his lips worked with mine as he moved his hand down to my ass and squeezed it before breaking the kiss. our foreheads rested on each other and our noses just touching. i hadnt said anything yet since he came over, but i was was enjoying looking at his pretty face with small freckles that you could only see this close.

"you wanna try get taylor today, babe?" he whispered knowing it was a sensitive subject considering my state at the moment. i just nodded simply and bit my lip. "ugh fuck jimmy how do you turn me on so easily" he said groaning and giggling at the same time. "dont know babe" i said with a grin on my face and stroked his cock gently through his jeans, i bit his lip and stepped back leaving him to get slightly hard. "ah fuck you jimmy!" he laughed and started to chase me as i took multiple puffs of the spliff. i could feel my heart getting heavy along with my eyes. my body became a fit of giggles and smirks all with slow reactions. after sitting with the group and passing around 3 other spliffs. me and jason cuddled under a blanket and my head on his shoulder as we listened to Alis story of when she first got high, it was very amusing since ali always had a good story. the blanket felt so soft and welcoming though i knew it wasnt, i knew it had random shit all over it, but it felt so kind against my skin. 'can a blanket be kind???' i drifted off to myself.

Ali has been on this waste land along with jasmine from when i first became in-charge so i knew them well, jasmine had long black hair and always wore red liquid eyeliner that never failed to turn heads, she has a small pointy nose that shaped her face delicately around her blue eyes.

Alis hair was blue and cropped to her jaw and flicked up at the ends, an eyebrow piercing showed off her sparkly teeth, her eyes however have never been the same since she took too much LSD, you could still see it floating in her eyes, making her sad but she was oblivious to it. she was confused a lot of the time but she had a cute small smile that never faded.

she carried on with her story and we laughed all the way through, we kept talking and joking till the sun was setting, jason looked at me, we had some sort of mental conversation with our eyes. "we'll be back in like 4 hours or something" he announced to the group as i nodded along.

"jeez that some long sex you got going there" ellie mumbled and laughed at her self.

"shut up shit face!" i scowled at her with squinted eyes and a smirk.

~|~

the best place to find taylor was at the old house. jack my fucking step dad, in fact i dont think he get any sort of name 'dad'. so we went there first.

"ugh" i spat out of the thought of him without realising. the weed had worn off now and i was falling back to my miserable self.
"dont worry jim it will be alright and i'll be by your side the whole time until we die" he said whilst pulling me into a side hug as we where walking.

"do you mean that" i asked concerned

"jimmy why would i lie to you, i love you for fuck sake!" he said and jolting me at the same time.

"love you too dick face" i smirked looking up at him and pocking his face.

the house made my body fill with rage as soon as it was insite. it made every blood vessel feel as if they where going to pop.

we entered through my window as quietly as possible because we could here the tv blaring out and taylor rattling down the hall. jason had never been in my room and as soon as he got in, he looked around in amusement, looking at the peeling walls plastered with my art, some spray paint on the wall some on pieces paper. i got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor *sorry i had to* along with some lyrics of mine that jason glimpsed at briefly. "babe, these are really good" he barely spoke, reached over to me, then tripped on some clothes on the floor falling straight on top of me then onto my bed. we tried so hard not to brake out into laughter for fear that we might be heard. snorts escaped our noses as we buried ourselves into eachother to try and dim the noise.

we had calmed down and remembered why we where here. the mood went gloomy again. i looked around to notice my guitar wasnt in my room. my heart stopped as i felt instant guilt of loosing my dads guitar. i could feel tears appear at my eyes as i remembered not only it had gone, i was the one to loose it. i just about remember being very stoned in the middle of a field and i think i must have left it there. fuck. i could let my emotions get to me now so i tucked them deep into my brain to save for later.

"right" i whispered to signal we should start our mission, jason followed me out the room as we snuck down the dark hallway until we came across the door she was put in last time. i pushed the handle feel scared i might make a sound, i could feel jasons heavy breath on the back of my head along with his touch against my arm for comfort. i gently pushed the door, it wouldnt open. i pushed again a little harder, not a budge. i cant fucking believe it.

"shit" jason spoke quietly in my ear with sympathy laced into it. i didnt respond but my moves where sudden. i turned around smoothly, lightly brushing jason out the way, storming down the stairs in fury not giving a fuck of jack heard me or not. he head for sure, he came around the corner and gave us both a look or boredom and disgust.

"what are you doing back." he spoke plainly, he had lost all emotion in his voice, he simply didnt care anymore. i think its since mum went.

"to er get taylor and make her life better..." not really sure what to say as i was prepared for an argument. "i just er dont think its too fair she locked up in there like i used too, you dont want her to turn out like me, do you?" i suggested whilst trying to read his fae.

"okay" was all he said, "i kinda dont think i can do this on my own, just make sure i see her one a month and for her birthday." he spoke hopelessly.

"fuck okay, uh ill um see u later i guess." i asked confused as he chucked me the keys to her room.

after we got her i didnt realise she was already about 6 but still being locked up, it wasnt a rattle she was playing with it was the fucking door handle. jesus i need my hearing fixed. i told her i was her older step brother, jason was my boyfriend and we will be looking after her from now on. she seemed okay with the idea but wanted to know where 'mummy' was, it hit me like a truck, i hadnt had time to feel about that until now. she probable hadnt been told either. "in a much better place taylor, she didnt like it much here" jason said sweetly covering for me seeing that i was unable to talk.
"did she not like me here?" the charm of her voice rang, what the fuck are you supposed to say to that.

"i think she loved you so much she could handle it" jason quickly lied.

taylor was on my back all the way home playing eye spy and making jason laugh, the sky was like ink dappled with white stars.

we got back around 11 taylor was fast asleep so we placed her on the arm chair, she was just small enough to fit, she drifted off to sleep as the rest of us quietly stayed up smoking more spliffs until we all fell asleep where we were sat.

jeeeeeezzzz okay i had no idea whAt i was doing but yea it so almost over!!!! but i really dont want it to be :(, but hey !! also sorry abt the green day reference its just one of my fav songs and i had to.

kinda wanna do a sequel???