⚠️Warning this story contains abuse, self harm, and many other awful things so please don't read if this can trigger you.
*3 days before Alex's (main characters) birthday*
It's September 10 and I can't stop thinking about finally being 19 and moving out of my parents home. They promised they would buy me an apartment in LA on my 19th birthday, which I can't wait for.
I'm finally gonna live alone in peace without the yelling and screaming coming from my parents arguing. As much as I hate being alone I want this, badly.
I can also finally get a dog without having to ask for permission and I guess that will give me the comfort I need. And I absolutely can't wait for the night me and my best friend have planned the night which I will spend talking to her over the phone.
Catherine has been my best friend since the 6th grade and I absolutely love her to death. It gets me upset sometimes that I don't live near her anymore, that I'm not able to just hop on a train and go to her house.
If you can't tell by now she doesn't live in LA she lives in New York. The city that never sleeps, just like her. She's a real party person, she'll make the smallest things reasons to go out and party which I'm usually not up for because of my insecurities.
My insecurities always get the best of me. I can't go outside without worrying about almost everything and everyone. By that I mean that whenever somebody looks at me I immediately think that they hate me or think that they think I'm ugly, which I agree with completely but thinking of it coming out from someone else's mouth hurts me.... a lot.
I had been in a deep dark hole every since the day and nothing has ever made me feel like my old happy self. I've gotten a lot better but every now and then when I go outside and feel people's eyes on me I get panic attacks. I always feel like everyone hates me after a while and that nobody really loves me ever, not as much as I love them.
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HII! Thanks for reading, I hope you like it so far although I think it's kinda boring.
Don't forget to follow me to get updated. I will probably publish a chapter when I can but I'll try to do it everyday.
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