The Way You Loved Me [Under Edit]

"You'll never love me.."

"Cahlan." 

Spenser's voice grew hoarse as a worried look crossed his face. Why was he even here? 

Our eyes remained locked, neither of us were quick to move. Shock and pain filled his eyes, which were wet with unleashed tears.  

"Why are you here?" I whispered, my heart beating erratically. Staring into the gathomless depths of his eyes, I pushed away the strand of hair that had fallen across his forehead. His breath caught, he was so lose... 

"Don't," He breathed, closing his eyes. "Please." My stomach knotted at his words, uscles tensing as I watched his Adam's apple bobbing once he swallowed. Any feelings I'd ever had for Spenser Cristoffe flooded back in all at once, almost making me dizzy. 

"I looooooove you Colly!" His ten-year-old self cooed, flashing his childish grin. "Forever and ever." He was a jokester back then, always fishing for ammunition to fuel his comedic ways. 

As his grip around my waist tightened, I shook my mind of the memory. He doesn't love you, I reminded myself. And he never did. 

Carefully removing myself from his grip, I felt a flush creeping up my neck. "I didn't mean--" 

"Don't worry about it," He smiled. And just like that, the moment --whatever it had been-- passed. The care and concern disappeared from his eyes. Spenser ran a hand through his messy hair and smiled, "You're home." 

"Yeah." 

Staring at the worn carpet beneath our feet, I allowed my dark curls to spill across the right side of my face. Luckily Spenser hadn't seen it, nobody really had. The thick mane was quite useful when it came time to mask the intricate scar that covered nearly half of my face. It was a deep shade of bronze, raised and slightly bumpy. 

"It was the best they could do," Dr. Pearson sighed. "The scar healed quite nicely. You were very lucky..." Her words rang true, they really did. But I still couldn't see past the rugged reminder that not every day is promised. 

I should have died that horrid night, some reports say I did, but my life was spared. Although it wasn't my time to go, I still felt a sense of guilt. It wasn't my time, but it was Wyatt's. He couldn't have been spared no matter how hard they tried. 

Absentmindedly, I reached up and ran a thumb across the wide scar, biting my bottom lip. Just one more imperfection to add to the list. 

"How is everything?" Spenser asked, fumbling over his words. 

"They're fine," I replied. Nervousness washed through me as I shifted my weight from foot to foot. "What about you?" 

"I've been alright." 

"Why are you even here, Spense?" I blurted, raising my eyes to meet his. "We both know you didn't just show up." I waved a hand at his flannel pajama pants and old Rolling Stones tee, evidence that he'd stayed the night. 

"Blake mentioned you were coming home today..." He bit his lip and sighed. "He asked if I wanted to come over to see you." 

"You didn't have to Spenser." 

I could feel anger growing deep within; we were best friends for eleven years and then he decides to end it? The car crash destroyed our emotions, threw us all wicked curve balls, and ended our friendship. When the SUV got hauled away, towed away to be smashed and recycled, our friendship went too. 

"I wanted to." 

"Yeah. Just like you wanted to see me, or even talk to me, this past year." I hadn't meant to sound so cruel, but I was. Spenser began to back away slowly, clenching and unclenching his fists.