The Way You Loved Me [Under Edit]

"I try out a smile and aim it at you.."

"Why didn't you go and meet her Spenser?"

        I heard the voices arguing before I dared to open my eyes. What had happened? My eyes fluttered open and I took in the scene; the cold, sterile hospital room was so... white. Too white and way too bright. The figures in the corner stood out as a stark contrast to the walls. Dressed in a dark tee and shorts, Spenser was standing off against his own father.

     "I offered to. I was going to--"

     "You never should have talked to her, Spense," his father hissed. Mr. Cristoffe's back was to me, so there was no way he'd known I was listening, and neither had Spenser. Both were oblivious to the world around them.

    "And why not?" Spenser asked, brows furrowing.

    "You're just trying to make up for lost time. Your guilt is driving you. You don't need to hurt her, Spenser. You may think you like her---"

    "I do dad!"

    "Damn it Spenser! No you don't!"

    Spenser's fists were clenched at his sides. "And what makes you say that?"

    "You can't pick yp where you left off. She's not the same and neither are you. You ignored her for a year. She needed you and you weren't there. Then when you realized she no longer needed you in her life, you decided you wanted to be. That's not how it works son."

     Spenser's father was on my side... How did I fool myself into thinking things could have ever been the same again? I was damaged goods, after all. No one wants something that's already been broken.

    He doesn't want me, I thought as my lids slowly closed.

 Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life.

      Scanning through quotes on my Pinterest account, I couldn't help but freeze when that particular quote caught my eye. I repeated it slowly out loud, sighing at the end. Is it bad that I think of Spenser, I  thought. I'd finally been released from the hospital a few days earlier after the doctors claimed that I was dehydrated and needed to make sure I drank plenty of fluids. I wasn't too worried about it, but my mother was distraught with worry. 

   "What if it happens again," She'd asked my stepfather. Ben just shook his head and laughed at her.

   "Honey, you worry way too much. At least you know what happened, that's all that matters." 

   "I know, but she's our baby." 

   "Mom, chill out," I hollered down the stairs that afternoon. My mother could be quite overdramatic sometimes, that was just one of her flaws. I loved that she cared so much about her children, but she sure had a knack for going overboard sometimes.

    As my mind was drawn back to reality, I listened as my cell phone buzzed across the room. Spenser had been calling and texting ever since he heard that I'd been released from the hospital, but I still hadn't talked to him. I was still deciding whether or not I wanted to pursue anything, whether that be a friendship or something more. 

    Everybody's going out later, want to come? The last message read. Ignore.

    You there? Ignore.

    I'll take this as a no to the outing...  Oh man, one point for Spenser! I rolled my eyes and smirked.

    You ok Cahlan? No, I hate that I want you, I answered mentally.