street poetry | joshler

8

later my mom
came to check on us
and saw josh and i
laying next to eachother

me, grasping at his shirt
with tear stained eyes
and josh with his chin
rested on top of my head
rubbing my back
and humming some tune
he had made up.

he soon had to go
and i said my goodbyes
and he acted like
everything was
going to be okay.

like he hadn't seen my scars
like i hadn't had a panic attack
like we were just two
normal people.

-

my mom asked me to go
and pick up a few things
from the grocery store
not too far from our house.

i didn't argue,
and put on some warmer clothes.
my dad had taken my car to work
and he was going to be out late
so i had to walk.

i didn't mind the walk though.
i needed to get out more.
i grabbed the list and $30
off the counter and
left the house.

it was fall now,
and it would soon be
thanksgiving break.
i thought about
josh maybe spending the night.

it was cold. probably 40 degrees.
i had put on a military jacket,
which kept me fairly warm.

i started to think about josh.

did he really like me?

i frantically looked at the cars
passing me.

what if josh thinks i'm a freak?

i began to walk across a bridge
that was moderately long.

i probably scared him.

i stopped.
i leaned on the short wall
keeping what was on the bridge
from getting off of the bridge.

i looked at my hands.
i hadn't realized i had been
fumbling with my hands.
my fingers were slightly pink;
not only from the cold,
but from me anxiously
messing with them.

i sighed a heavy breath.

"there's and infestation
in my minds imagination,"

i began to walk slowly.

"i hope they choke on smoke
because i'm smoking them out the basement
this is not rap
this is not hip hop"

i turned around quickly
and began to slowly
stride the other way.

"just another attempt to make
the voices
stop."

i was somewhat yelling,
but the cars passing by
didn't seem to notice
or care whatsoever.

"rapping to prove nothing
just writing to say something
cause i wasn't the only one
who wasn't rushing to
say nothing"

i looked over the side of the bridge
and put my foot on the wall,
and heading myself onto the wall,
but not over the wall.

"this doesn't mean i lost my dream
it's just right know I've got a
crazy mind to clean
know what i mean?"

i hung off my legs
over the side of the bridge,
looking at possible doom.
maybe i could end it all.
maybe i wouldn't have to
worry about blurry.

"no i didn't understand a
thing you said
if i didn't know better I'd
guess you're all already
dead"

i stood up,
trying to balance my
unstable and unsteady body.

"mindless zombies walkin
around with a limp and a hunch
saying stuff like
you only live once."

i thought about it again.
i held on to a column next to me
and swung one leg over the edge.

i almost let my other foot over
the edge, but i heard a familiar voice.

"tyler?!"

i spun to see josh.

nonononononoo, he can't get involved.
not anymore than he is.
i wanted to jump.

"t-tyler...please don't do this."

he sat his backpack on the cement
and walked towards me.

"...josh..."
i frantically looked at him,
"you've got one time to
figure it out."
i looked back at certain death.
"one time to twist,
and one time to sgout.
one time to think
and i say we start now."

i turned back to him, and he was closer to me.

"josh"
i once again looked away.
"death inspires me
like a dog
inspires a
rabbit."

i began to lean forward,
but before i could fall,
those safe hands

grabbed me.

[🔫;🐕;🐇]

hope you guys enjoyed.
stay alive. |-/