Castaway ➳ cth [EDITING/HIATUS]

Chapter 35

Dear June,

I'm not writing this letter to get any empathy from you, nevertheless empathy from anyone. I'm sick and tired of hearing people from every side of my life whispering into my ear how much they admire me for being "stable" all the way through my languid mood and the life that perpetually goes by and every second feels like hours.

After almost seventeen years of my life, I tried to climb out of that hole that I was kicked in repeatedly and the simultaneous mental and verbal abuse from my parents lead to the unpleasant landing that seemed to crush all of my bones at once.

Throughout my entire life, I was sent to multiple therapies, in hope of balancing out my mental health. None of them seemed to work out, until I met you. Really met you; before that, we've barely talked at all. No one would waste a single word on me, nor a pity look. Just because I was the son of a successful businesswoman that was allowed to portrait herself as the head of a "rich family", naturally everybody would want to be my friend because of all the money I have access to, apparently. Unfortunately, that money everybody thinks I have right in my pocket was never intended to be spent on me. Only if it was required for my health.

Thank you, so much. I'm fully aware that you'll rip this paper in millions of pieces and toss it away without even reading it, but if you're not, I'm hoping that I'm enlightening you on the love that I feel for you. Ever since we first interacted at that group therapy, and as cheesy as it might sound, I clearly felt a connection between both of us. The exchange of words between us made me believe that you weren't like any other person.

Not gonna lie, your depart from my life did break my heart and all those backstabbing people I finally cancelled out of my life should technically make me feel even more liberated, but in reality I don't feel like a free bird. I'm so used to being treated poorly that I almost, as odd as it sounds, miss it. You won't understand me for saying this, but I'm purely honest with everything I share with you.

The issue with the police report... You'll figure it out by yourself. I don't have any time or any will to explain it to you. You're smart, intelligent and wise, you'll connect the necessary dots to shape your opinion on this situation.

I need to go now. This is my official depart now and you won't see me for a very, very long time. Perhaps the "very, very long" turns into never. No idea. Is there any afterlife after death?

I apologize in advance for breaking your heart now. But it will be the best for both of us because all the harm that was caused on me will get passed on to other people and my big decision is an intention to stop all of this 'spreading'.

Never forget me though. Say hi to your sister from me.

Do I still love you, I have no idea. But I know for sure that I still care for you.

Cal.