It Can't Be Over (Book 2 - Immortalfox)

Chapter 23

Aleks POV:

I wanted to run after him and pull him back, maybe even forcefully shove my lips against his own, but my heart was like a stone, and it ached so harshly that compassion and love wasn’t an option.

A sense of despair filled me, overtaking me and every fiber of my being. I let out a gasp, covering my mouth as a sob retched through my body. I cried, shaking my head. I was tired of the tears. I wanted them to end. I wanted all of the pain and longing I felt to just end.  Feeling sad and depressed was getting so old in my daily routine. Vaguely, I realized I hadn’t felt this terrible in a long time. Ever since James kissed me, old feelings of a love life I had once been so accustomed to arose. I remembered Eddie and how hemade me feel like a great champion—a conqueror and grasper of love and all of the precious rewards that came with it. I remembered how light and airy he made me feel, like I was on a cloud suspended above the ground. I remembered feeling so much love that I had felt mushy on the inside. The feeling made me angry and upset, because it was so profound. But now, with such emotion coursing through every never-ending nerve in my body, I realized Eddie was nothing to me now. He was simply a man I once fell for.

A man I used to love.

It felt so odd to think of it that way, but as I stood with sobs retching through every limb in my aching body, I realized it was true. I wanted nothing more than to forget him.

It was a few nights later when we stood around the island with plates of food in our hands. I felt obnoxiously attentive to the way Seamus would lean into James’s side, a growing smile on his face, or spoon a bite of mashed potatoes off James’s plate teasingly. Not only that, but of how James reacted. He was rather open about it, surprisingly. He responded with a grin and some flirtatious words, sending Seamus’s cheeks aflame. I scrutinized every movement, every flinch, breaking them down in my head. My head began to hurt after a while from the constant and excessive thoughts of just what on earth was happening before me.

I could see myself and Eddie in the both of them. Well, how we had once been.

I wanted to tear and claw at the both of them, maybe even scream. I felt unheard and belittled, like a deprived child who just wanted attention. But I was a voice lost in the roaring winds, no recognition towards my pleas and cries at all.

James seemed obscenely distant as well. It was as if what had happened between us was some era lost in history. Now, it seemed like he was madly in love with Seamus. Why wasn’t he shunning him? Why wasn’t he guarded as he once had been?

Why wasn’t he mine?

My fingers itched to yank on the collar of his sweatshirt and pull his lips down atop of my own, to caress him with my body and press impossibly close into the heat of him. I longed to trace his jaw with my fingers as his arms were wrapped low on my waist, memorizing every detail, every flaw, every hitch and crinkle. I wanted him for myself.

The idea sounded humorous in my mind. How could I want so much from him? It had only been a few days and all I wanted was to be with him. I had never grown so attached to the idea of loving him before now.

Suddenly, though, I reminded myself that I had to be strong. He was testing me. He wanted me to feel angry and upset at the sight of he and Seamus. He wanted to cause me to suffer. Instantly, it became my goal to stay strong and not be drawn into the temptation that was James. If I was adamant in distancing myself from James, then I would win this battle. There was no way I was going to let James win.

By the time the meal was finished, I decided to do dishes. I wanted to busy myself with something so that the idea of James would leave my mind. But as I began doing them, I heard a moan behind me. James was sucking off Seamus’s face, cupping his ass between his hands and breathing heavily against him. Didn’t Seamus know I was right here? He had always been the one to avoid physical contact while I was around. What had gotten into the both of them tonight?