The colour grey // phan

Blood tests and tears

"What you're explaining seems to be the symptoms of some form of cancer" the doctor says, as if it was as simple as being told that you have a cold.
Phil's heart plummeted. Dans heart did the same.
They couldn't really do anything but hope.
Phil Lester, his first love was going to be a cancer patient.
The results hadn't been given yet, there hadn't been any testing done. But now that the possibility hung in the air, the thought crept up on them more than before.

Dan was submitted into a testing area. Phil was forcefully pushed out of the door by the doctor himself. Phil's heart felt tighter than how a snake held its prey.
This wasn't grey, this was black.

Dan had to have multiple blood tests done. When he was finished, he was completely exhausted and nearly at the brink of tears. When he finally pushed through the door to the waiting room phil was already there, overwhelming him. Asking how it went, if he was sore, if the doctors were nice, how many tests he did, how much blood they took.
"Phil really, I'm fine, I'm just tired. Can we go home please?" Dan stated. He forced a small smile.
Phil smiled in return.
"Sure bub"

The boys drive in silence again. This time dan thought about Phil. Dan was in love with him. He could be losing him soon. That was a maddening thought.
Knowing that someone truly cared about him caused him so much pain. It caused him pain because he would end up hurting him.
In the past Dan didn't care if he lived or died, now he just wanted to stay alive for the sake of phil.

The young boys stepped inside of Phil's house.
"Your parents are never home, must be some intense work huh" dan points out casually.
"About that" phil begins
"Wh-" dan starts, he's immediately cut off.
"This isn't my parents house"
"Phil, what are you talking about?"
"When I was 15, I came out to them as gay" phil looked distraught, as if all light from the world had left him.
"And?" Dan asked, his tone softening. Beginning to understand.
"And I haven't seen them since" Phil breathed and cracked. The noose around his heart had dropped. He was sobbing uncontrollably. His skinny shoulders trembling. The boy but his face in his hands and let out a cry.
"When I met you Dan, I knew that you were the reason I was living" he says through muffled breathing and salty tears.
"You see, I tried to kill myself last year Dan, nobody knew. I was lying on the floor unconscious for a whole day" phil manages to blurt out all at once.
Dan stands shocked, tears forming In his own wonderfully sad eyes.
"-and when I met you I knew you were the reason I was still alive" phil finishes.

Dan gasps, almost as if he was having an asthma attack. His cheeks red and his eyes damper than a puddle, leaking sorrow and sadness and hurt. Phil was alive for him.