The colour grey // phan

Epilogue

Phil walked out of the hospital door, almost in slow motion. You know how in movies, when something terrible happens, they slow it down. Phil felt like he was stuck in that slow, on going pain. The door slammed shut behind him. His hand made his way up to his mouth and he covered it. Hunched over in pain, he shrunk into the cement. Crying, his voice cracking before he wailed.
"Why"
A simple
Why.
He had gone to visit dan for the last time. And he knew that the next time he heard from the hospital it would be bad news.
They were shutting down life support. They weren't continuing treatment. And since Frankie had died, Dan was all alone.

Phil got home and jumped straight into bed. He fell asleep after crying for hours, re-living memories and daydreaming of what could have been.
Phil was woken up by a sudden ding. His phone. Fear struck him as he looked at the notification. He opened his phone and went straight to the message.
He read.

Dan : When I first got to hospital I stared at the ceiling because I had nothing better to do. Staring at the ceiling, I knew I should be afraid. 
But in all the chaos and pain only one emotion rushed through my mind. Relief. It'll be over soon. Dan Howell, gone for good. And this is my goodbye Phil. It's been a wild ride. The day I met you I knew you were some sort of gift god had given to me, not that I believe in god. But you yourself are like a god to me. Every whisper, every movement, every kiss, made me feel like I was right at home. Who knew that home could be a person? You gave me a tomorrow every day, you gave me a life every time I died inside. Your eyes phil, they are so beautiful, I hope they don't shed too many tears. I'm going to tell you a little story now.
Once upon a time, I lived in a small house. I would go for runs and walks everyday except for in the winter. It wasn't because I didn't want to get sick, it was because I was afraid of the cold. Even in my warmest jackets, the cold managed to reach my heart. I just couldn't bear the thought of me, falling over in the snow. I'm still scared Phil, of the cold. And it's getting awfully cold in here. Maybe it's just me. Imagining things. I love you so much. You are my everything. I've been so afraid of death all of my life and it's finally time to face it. I'm weak and I think I'm already in the process of death. I don't want you to be sad. Because I'm not sad. This is good bye but I'd rather it be a 'see you again' which I will. One day. One day we will see each other and we will live and love together in peace. You remind me of the sky. A grey sky. Like how the sky was on the day I met you. I love you always my beautiful grey boy. See you on the other side.
I find peace in the rain, I hope you do too.
- Daniel Howell.

Phil: dan? Dan?! BABY NO PLEASE. you're all I have. I was gonna propose to you tomorrow. How does that sound?! We can get married. Just stick it out. Babe? Are you still there? Please. I'm coming to the hospital now.

Dan: I do.

Phil: message failed to send.

This number has been disconnected.