Chasing Cars

Chapter Thirty Three

   Walking was something that had been so easy to do before I was paralyzed, but in the four months of sitting in a chair constantly, my muscles didn't know what to do. "You've got it, keep going!" Terry encouraged me, refusing to let me quit, even for a minute. It had been nine days since my surgery, and I didn't feel ready to walk at all, not after the news of Andrew's death, but the nurse forced me to do it anyway.

"It hurts," I gasped when I fell over. The physical therapy was a lot more painful than it sounded, but it was needed to strengthen my legs so I could walk. "It's okay, Karev. You're not supposed to excel at walking right away, it takes time to learn how," Terry explained. I didn't care. I'd lost all motivation to do anything. Krystine hadn't turned up in over a week, only Cam and Evan were around. I spent most of my time reading, sleeping, or talking to one of them. Life was beginning to get very dull and unhappy for me.

"What's the point of trying to walk when all I do is fail?" I asked Cam one night while he and I were eating cupcakes and binging episodes of The Office. "Well, eventually it'll come easy to you again. It'll just take some time," he replied. There was no argument to be had there, as he was absolutely right. For a while, I said nothing in response, only sat in silence and watched the show. "You know, maybe the stress of everyone trying to make you do it so quickly is what's making you struggle so much," Cam said when the credits began to roll. Switching to the next episode, I thought about his suggestion. "Maybe," I replied. "Everyone just keeps pushing me so hard to do it, as if I don't want to. Of course I want to, it's just really hard when I don't want to disappoint everyone."

Cam nodded. "There you have it. Why don't you just try it out yourself sometime? Maybe just work on it when you're alone and no one's planning on coming in to see you. You don't have monitors anymore, so nobody will ever know. You won't be disappointing everyone when you do slip up." I liked the thought of trying to walk on my own. It gave me the option to quit if I felt the need to, and when I did screw up, nobody would ever know. "I'll do that. Thanks, Cam!" I smiled.

After the nurse came in and told Cam he had to go, I considered doing what my friend had suggested and attempting to walk myself. The thought of it made me nervous, but I could only imagine how accomplished I'd feel if I managed to get it right. When I was completely sure there was nobody around, I got up and tried to take a step. Standing up was something I'd mastered long ago, but the whole walking part was a different story. Holding onto the wall, I took one timid step before trying another one. The progress was slow moving, but eventually I made it from one end of the room to the other. All of it without falling once.

"I did it," I whispered quietly, feeling proud of myself. Cam was right, without pressure of everyone watching me, just waiting for me to mess up, I felt a lot more confident in myself. There was a lot of open space in the room, so I continued walking back and forth from one end of the room to the other, and soon I didn't even need to hold onto the wall for support anymore. Restraining myself from laughing, I breezed across the room as if I'd never stopped walking. It was much different than being in my familiar wheelchair, which was parked in the far corner of the room, just in case it was needed.

Almost all night long, I walked around the room, shakily at first, but more steady with every lap around. It became as easy as breathing, and there were no doubts about my abilities anymore. Life had shot me down, but I was rising back up. Soon, I'd be able to put everything in my past. Charleston and my paralysis would be nothing more than a distant memory, and I was perfectly fine with that. I know some might think I thought the same for Andrew, but I promised I wouldn't forget him, and I intended to keep that promise.

The following morning, Cam dragged Krystine to the hospital. "Start talking," he demanded after locking the door. "About...?" I asked, yawning and sitting up straight. "You haven't talked since... your friend, and you need to stop ignoring each other. You're best friends. Your friendship isn't something than can just be thrown away," Cam said angrily. Krystine looked to the floor, and I looked at the wall. I had nothing against Krystine, it was just awkward because she told me the first time we thought Andrew was gone, then the actual time as well.

"We're not ignoring each other," I began, unsure of what to say. "Yeah, you are. Converse!" He exclaimed before pushing toward me and exiting the room. "Hey..." I began, looking at my friend nervously. "Hi. I'm sorry about... everything. How're you feeling?" Krystine replied, offering a small smile and sitting next to me. "I'm alright. Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. I was doing wrong by ignoring you," I said, returning her smile with one of my own.

"I miss him," Krystine said quietly. I nodded, but said nothing. There wasn't much to say. Nothing that wouldn't make us more upset, anyway. I'd spent hours thinking about how cruel it was for him to die the way he did, but crying about it wouldn't bring him back. Nothing would. Krystine seemed to sense my unwillingness to talk about Andrew, so she switched the subject. "How's the walking coming along? I heard you've been working on it recently."

"Well... I worked on it last night. Everytime I go in for physical therapy they put too much pressure on me to get the hang of it and it's too overwhelming, but I tried it by myself last night that that's when I figured it out. Want to see?" I looked around the windows to make sure nobody was nearby. It wouldn't matter if they saw me, but I didn't want them to know yet. "Of course, Karev. You've always been way too independent. I'm not surprised you got it on your own," Krystine laughed, standing up to give me space.

Laughing, I stood up and showed her how easy walking was. Again, the first few steps weren't the easiest, but I steadied myself and walked around just as well as I'd done the night before. "Oh my gosh, this is so cool!" Krystine exclaimed, giving me a hug and trying not to cry. "Don't cry!" I laughed, hugging her back. "The hard part is over. Maybe now life will be normal!"

That's how my life was going, after Andrew's death and the surgery. Obviously, I knew there would be more bad times, but the good times would always outweigh them. Andrew would never be forgotten by Krystine and I. friends like that deserve more than just a come-and-go kind of thing. I was discharged from the hospital two days after Cam forced me and Krys to talk. The more I walked around, the easier it became. No one could tell I just had a surgery, because of how often I practiced. Me being me, I thought life would just go on. I'd just move forward, never looking back. But I know now that some things stay with you forever. Some things, you can't get rid of no matter how hard you try.

I was sitting at home, looking at old photos, when a knock on my door startled me. Krystine was due to pick me up for Andrew's funeral in an hour, but there was no reason for her to be early. I stepped away from my computer and leaned over to see who the visitor was. One look through the window told me it was a police officer. Unsure why the police had a reason to stop by my house, I opened the door and took in the image of a scraggly-looking old man, dressed in his Rosewood Police uniform and looked absolutely outraged to be there. "Hello?" I said, looking around outside. There was only one patrol car, which made the whole thing seem a little suspicious. "Hello, Miss Grey. You're requested to be at the police station for a meeting about the abuse of Patricia Charleston. Please join me," the man spoke loudly, his voice devoid of emotion.

For a minute, time stood still. Who told them about Charleston? Of course, it didn't really matter, as no matter who told them, they still knew. "Oh... yeah I'll come with." Shutting the door behind me, I followed the officer to his car, and for the second time in less than a month, I was taking a drive in a patrol car, off to the station. Only this time, it was about Charleston. She was already dead, what could they even do about it now? You can't convict a body, so why not just leave it alone?

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Well it's almost over.... I'm sad again and I just recovered from when I was sad the first time.