Chasing Cars

Chapter Thirty One

Light. Everyone says you'll see a light...

Darkness. I saw nothing but darkness. Ahead of me, behind me, everywhere. Miles and miles of inky, black darkness.

I do see it. It's rather pretty, all the light. It's like a field that's covered in thick snow. Only, it's everywhere rather than just on the ground. There isn't a ground, anyway. None that I can see.

It scared me. I felt paralyzed under the weight of all the blackness. I couldn't move, or breathe, or even call out to anyone. It felt like I was frozen. Somewhere, there was a sort of dull ache, but I couldn't pinpoint its exact location. I could have ignored it, if I wanted to. But there was nothing else to focus on. There was nobody there.

There's no way to ask for help. I can't see. Why is that? Did something go wrong? So many questions. I need to calm down. Surely, this'll be over soon. Things will go back to normal again before I know it. It's nothing to be concerned about.

Voices, I hear voices.

I feel bored. The light is pretty and all, but boring now. There's nothing to look at. At least I can hear now. "I don't know..." someone says. I recognize the voice, but the name lingers on the tip of my tongue, so close, but so far out of reach. I can't remember. "What do you mean, 'I don't know?!' Are you crazy?!" another voice shouts, sounding stressed.

The voices, they were too quiet. I couldn't make out anything that was being said, and it was getting on my nerves. I was desperate to call out for help, but I didn't even know if I was opening my mouth or not. I wanted to know where I was. I began to feel...

The speaker has gone silent now, or maybe whoever it was, left. I can't hear anything anymore. "Hello?" I call out timidly. The word comes out as a whisper, one so quiet even I can barely hear it. My breathing is suddenly stunted. It feels like there's something heavy lying on top of me. It hurts, but it also feels calming, in a way. Does that even make sense?

... Like there were a thousand needles being repeatedly stabbed into me all at once. I'd have liked to run from the feeling, but it was like I was being weighed down by some unseen force. Shrill sounds rang in my ears. It hurt, like when you're out in the cold too long and the inside of your ear starts to sting. But this was much worse. If possible, the darkness grew even darker. Somewhere, something inside me told me I needed to fight. But what for?

Green spots speckle my vision. It's pleasing, as it brings a little more color into the bright space. But it's terrifying, too. What does it mean, when this happens? There's no way this is what dying is. If it's dying, then I refuse it.

I felt a pull. It was strange. A voice someplace in my head told me to let go, then a warm feeling washed over me. I was holding onto an invisible rope, but this voice... It took away all the pain I'd been feeling. I wanted to let go...

This can't be death. I'd know if it is. You're supposed to be prepared, and know it's your time to go, but I'm not ready to leave yet. I haven't finished my life yet!

Let go...

Suddenly, I see people. They stand all together, ahead of me in the white space. I recognize them, but I don't know where from. They glow. No tiredness in their eyes, no nerves or fear evident in their smiles. They don't see me, because I see myself too. I'm sitting with them, laughing and joking along. This has to be some kind of sign. I'm just having a temporary blackout... or whiteout, in my case...