colors

him

'no more.
i cant take it anymore.
no more.
jenna, tyler, i need you.'

josh woke in a fright, tears streaming down his cheeks as he recalled the events from his dream. too much yelling, too much hatred. the poor boy didn't know what to do anymore. he wanted to reach out to jenna and call her for taco bell, he wanted to talk to tyler about their blurryface, he wanted to talk to debby, the mysterious yet kind girl of the forest. he remembered the previous night where they were all in jennas place. he remembered what jenna had said about poor debby. in josh's mind, she had the worst past. in everyone else's , josh was the one with the worst past. josh closed his eyes as his dream came back into mind;
'he sat on a bench, his face buried in his hands as he spoke to the something that always listened. "I feel like a horrible person. I don't talk to the people that I used to talk to. I act so distant to everyone I know. It bothers me how because of my stupid actions I've caused her to be hurt. every time I'm here I make people sad, what's the point? I've just been doubting choices on family, relationships and friends. I hate it so much because I love everyone but I just don't know what to do anymore. I cry over the stupidest things. i-i just think I need a break from everything and everyone. i just think she could do better,move on, and have her happy little family without me. i get that its a world full of people who hurt your feelings. im not that strong anymore, i've been through enough. i used to be able to shrug off my problems but not anymore.

it's kind of like, trying to fix a giant cut with a hammer, you can't. i cant do anything, i can't be happy. everything that makes me happy, isn't here. it's her, it was always her," he whispered as he looked up at the sky, the dark clouds rolled in and rain started falling. he didn't move, he didn't even flinch. all he did was wait, he waited for her as long as it would take.'

he doesn't know who the 'her' was and he's sure as hell is too scared to find out. so yet again the pattern continues and josh finds himself in the all too familiar forest, holding a lighter in one hand and a knife in the other. he found his tree, the one he always marks. with the knife in his right hand he rips apart the dry bark from the tree. he let his hand trace of the remains on the tree trunk. he let out a sigh before taking bits of the bark and carving a word, a word he was feeling. this time the word was hopeless.

the silence of the forest almost getting through his thoughts as he the flame from the lighter flickered once he held the piece of bark over it. his thoughts turned to the last time he was there. he had left the lighter downstairs so he didn't bring it. that was lucky for him too because he might've scared off one of his now close friends. josh felt an uneasiness as if someone was watching him so he looked up from the burning bark to make eye contact with a figure in the distance.

he momentarily freaked out before it stepped closer. the moonlight shined down at them so he got a better look at who it was. it was debby in all her glory, but she didn't look quite like herself. her skin looked shades darker and it seemed as if her eye was puffy. he tilted his head to look at her as she walked over slowly to where he was before sitting on the floor. she took a flower between her fingers, feeling the contrast between the soft smooth petals of the flower against the rough pads of her fingers.

almost cautiously, his attention reared back to the bark that was now a black dust, crumbling under his touch. "why do you come here?" he spoke up after minutes of silence, looking down at debby in a worry in case he had intruded. she just gave him a sad smile, that was hiding so much, "same reason you do, to get my mind off things and distract me."

"you never really tell us when you're sad but we can see it and i just want you to know that we care." he frowned setting the knife down beside him as he watched her movements.

"things just get a little bit too hard. I've never had people care about me like you guys do so, I can't really- i don't have experience." she said flatly, a blank expression on her features.

"well, now you do. you have us, and we aren't very good at making friends either. in fact, jenna and i, have been the only two in this group for years. we're all new to this so dont you worry angel." josh smiled at debby who just seemed to get silent.

"i have to get home before he realizes im gone. im not really sure why i left around this time anyways. he's always home at this time, just asleep." she mumbled, mostly to herself but josh heard nonetheless.

"who is he? is he your boyfriend? why cant you leave at this time?" josh questioned, his last conversation with jenna flooding his mind.

"josh, i think debby is an abusive relationship. she looked so scared every time i drive her home and she always come back to us with another bruise. she says that she falls but i dont believe her. josh, im so worried for our new friend. shes not telling us everything. she keeps getting hurt." a worried jenna spoke to josh as they sat together on his bed.

debby just shook her head before standing, "he's no one josh, but thank you for talking to me tonight. i really needed someone, so thank you for that." she strained a smile before she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. the kiss sent shivers down joshs spine which he ignored and instead just smiled at her and watched her go.

'no more.
i cant take it anymore.
no more.
debby, i need you.'

//an;

 yes, ive been lacking to publish but hush my children. all in good time, we will have an actual fucking jebby fic. ANYWAys i changed my username and my book cover. someone help me, too many changes.