Silence is Golden

Chapter 1

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My life is like a game of solitaire you never know which card you are going to get and you always get the one you don’t want.

He broke me that night. Everything that I am and was he broke. The strong rebellious girl who held her head high and stuck her fingers up to the whole world because she didn’t care what they thought. Not a single one of them. She was strong, so strong. But she fell and it was a long hard fall. She was broken on the cold hard floor. She couldn’t be fixed. They couldn’t fix her. I can’t be fixed.

There are only so many times you can throw your Barbie doll down the stairs as a little kid because Barbie was sky diving or jumping down a waterfall before Barbie breaks and not even your daddy can fix Barbie. And daddy will say why didn’t you take care of Barbie better. You reply but Barbie was having fun, she just wanted to have fun.

How come it never rains it only pours.

“Mick, what are we going to do with her? I thought moving would help, I thought if she had a fresh start she would be OK?” my mother’s hushed voice from the kitchen trailed up the stairs to me.

“She just needs to adjust Caroline” my father replied equally hushed.

“She’s had all summer! We have been here two months and not once has she stepped a foot out of the door. If anything she is worse”

“Give her time, today is a fresh start she can make new friends, new memories”

“I think she needs help, specialist help”

“Don’t start this again; I don’t want to send our daughter away!”

Putting in my headphones I tuned out the noise, that’s all it is to me noise. Pulling on the first pair of shoes I found not bothering to check if they matched I marched down the stairs to the front door. Silencing their whispered conversation. When you stop speaking you hear things and notice things you never did before. My parents no longer sleep in the same bed, during the day their two single beds are pushed together to make it look like one. My mother has a drink problem; the smell clings to her constantly following her like a dark storm cloud. My mother blames me for what happened, my father doesn’t know what to do or think so he ignores the problem.

“Have a good day sweetie, make lots of new friends”, my father called from the kitchen as I passed.

I nodded in acknowledgement. Lifting my shaking pale hand I placed it on the door handle. I can do this, deep breath. I pushed the handle down and stepped out into the pale morning light.

I made it to school with no incidents, a few curious glances but nothing more. Its OK I can deal with that, they are just looking because I'm new. I will be forgotten by tomorrow swallowed up in the crowd just the way I like it now.