I don’t even remember how I got home that night everything just became a blur as I got lost in my thoughts, today having given me a lot to think about. It just brought too much back, everything came rushing back to me in a whirl wind of colour and sounds while I sat there in English with Eli beside me.
I thought I had blocked it all out and left it in the dark recess of my mind somewhere never to resurface again but what Eli did reminded me of him so much. The first day we met just came crashing down on me, he just strutted straight into my life with that swagger of his and his big brown eyes filled with secrets and crazy ideas. I remember trying to get him to shut up as he loomed over me and asked “What you doing down there honey” in his cocky voice as I tried to lose the fool who had been following me all morning on Daniel’s instructions.
“What the hell does it look like!” I had snapped back making him laugh loudly.
He then grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet and shouted to the guy at the other end of the alley who was pretending to talk on the phone “You’re doing a shit job mate!”
And they were the best six weeks of my life. From dawn till dusk we roamed the streets, bunked off school and caused trouble for Daniel and his gang. We laughed until we cried and were gasping for breath and he found the girl inside of me that gave a shit. He got through my barriers and walls I put up for the rest of the world, he just brushed them a side like they were nothing. It was so easy with him, it was like breathing.
But then it had to end, Daniel ended it in one night of pain and darkness and fear. And now I'm alone with nothing but the fear and painful memories. Physically I’m safe from Daniel yet in my mind I’m imprisoned and tortured. My own sanity is at risk. Everything just flashes before my eyes, everything from then and the new memories from now. The humiliation I have suffered at Daniels hands and now their hands at school eating away at me. And I just want him back, just to see his face one last time to draw strength from him. He left me behind to deal with it; he left behind a broken scared little girl. And I can’t get that night out of my mind it just plays over and over in my head driving me to the point of insanity, I'm clinging to the edge about to fall over it. I just want to find oblivion where I don’t have to think anymore, where there are no memories. I want to wipe that night from existence.
I want to be strong again, I want to be invincible like the old me. But I can’t reach it, I can’t reach that person anymore because that place doesn’t exist anymore so I can’t be that person in it. That place doesn’t exist so neither does that person.
I pulled open my curtains and perched myself on the window ledge as moonlight flooded my room illuminating everything. Outside the light flooded the garden as the white light drenched everything giving it a strange magical quality and the grass look deathly pale. Distorted dark shadows broke up the light cast by the trees and garden fence. Ghostly clouds shifted across the inky black sky briefly obscuring the light from the moon. A cat prowled the shadows on silent paws as it stalked its prey by moonlight. Somewhere out there tonight some small animal is going to die. Many animals and people will die out there tonight while I’m in here safe. Who makes those decisions about who lives and dies? Is there really a higher being up there making those choices or are our lives all ready mapped out for us and there is nothing we can do to avoid our fate. Or is it all just chance and no one has control over any of it, is it all just luck. Some of us are unlucky while others are lucky it’s all just a game of chance.
Light crept through the crack in my curtains when I hadn’t closed them properly last night causing a shaft of light to splay across the carpet. Unable to face another day of school I watched little specks of dust dance in the light as the morning wore on while shame from yesterday eat away at my heart. I just want to be strong again; I don’t want to be scared anymore. I'm sick to death of this feeling, I'm sick of this person. But I'm terrified, words can’t explain the fear that runs through my veins every second of every day. Fear that I have carried since that very night, fear someone will find out what happened, fear of what he did that night and most of all fear that he might come looking for me.
My mum finally showed her face late Saturday morning when she barged into my room not bothering to knock and ripped open my curtains blinding me with the bright light making me scrunch my eyes up in annoyance. When my eyes finally adjusted I noticed the excess of shopping bags swinging wildly from her arms.
“Ive been shopping!” she declared dropping the bags on the floor by my bed.
Id have never have worked that one out, good job she told me.
“For you!” she said triumphantly.
Did I ask her to make me look like a mini prostitute, no. So why did she feel the need to go shopping for me.
“You need some new clothes sweetheart, after all you’ll never get a boyfriend looking like that” she said waving vaguely at my clothes.
Did I mention at any point that I wanted a boyfriend, no! A boyfriend is the last thing in the world I want!
She started rummaging through the bags and pulled out a tiny denim mini skirt and a pair of black stilettos and thrust them into my arms. I just stared at her dumbfounded.
“Well what are you waiting for, try them on!” she insisted.
I stumbled to my feet staring at the objects in my arms as my pulse began to quicken.
“Maybe this will help you get over this little childish phase of not speaking and behaving like a recluse”, she said happily.
Did she seriously just say that? My head began to pound as my pulse continued to increase. I need to get out of here, I can’t deal with this, and I can’t deal with her. I dropped the things in my arms and grabbed my converses from the floor and pulled them on roughly before heading for the door with shaking hands. I was down the stairs and out the front door in seconds, I headed for the forest needing to be on my own and not knowing anywhere else to go. I stumbled towards it as my mind became crowded with images, too many for me to handle.
I walked in dizzying circles for hours not seeing where I was going just seeing the images in my head. Eventually I collapsed onto an old tree stump, am I being childish? Am I over reacting, is she right? His face flashed in my mind making me cringe and looked around wildly for an escape. The watery sunlight glinted off something to my right half concealed in mud and old leaves. With shaking hands I pulled it out and ran my fingers over the intricate design on the handle. I pressed the button watching the blade flick out of the knife and the weak sunlight glint off the slightly dirty blade. It would be so simple, just a cut in the right place and it would be done. It would all be over, finally. Could I do it?
Suddenly I remembered the last time I saw a knife like this, disgust and fear instantly curling in the pit of my stomach. He carried a knife like this, the knife he used that night. Suddenly the scene spread out in my mind of that night. I chucked the blade back into a nearby bush as disgust clawed at my insides before turning to find the path home.
Im still not completely happy with this chapter but i know i havent uploaded in a while which im sorry about! Feel free to point out any mistakes and enjoy!
Part two of this chapter will hopefully be up tonight some time if i get it finished. It's going to be Eli's POV.
Please don't forget to vote and comment! Enjoy! Xx
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Silence is Golden
Teen FictionMy life has never been clean cut and simple, I’m not one of those girls who you will find moaning about it all day long, about how tough their lot in life is. Life’s like a challenge, its a task, its not supposed to be simple that’s what makes it ex...