Silence is Golden

Chapter 19

I woke up feeling disorientated and my head pounding as I sat up and looked about my room as yesterdays events came rushing back to me. Being taken from school, the hospital, my mum hurt and my parents arguing again. When will it all end? I wish for just one day without any drama. But I already know by now that you don’t get what you wish for, ever.

I went through my usual routine of throwing on whatever I could find to wear and stumbling down the stairs. I headed for the kitchen looking for something to drink and painkillers to stop my head from pounding. I walked in ignoring the tension and heated glances between my parents as they sat at opposite sides of the table from each other. My dad looking tired and worn out and my mum fiddling with the white packet in front of her. I walked over to the fridge trying to block them both out. I hate being in the same room as them when they are like this. They are just seconds away from another argument, I can just tell. As I opened the fridge door it began making me mentaly cringe and silently plead for the floor to open up and swallow me.

“Are you going to take them or just stare at them” my dad demanded.

“Maybe I don’t want to” my mum said in her favourite childish tone.

“The doctor said you should take them so for once just do it!” he exclaimed tiredly before leaving the room.

I turned to the cupboard in search for a cup. I spun round in time to see my mum picked up the plate in front of her and chucked at his retreating back. She missed and it shattered against the door frame beside his right shoulder. He just kept walking and I heard the door slam a few minutes later. He just walked out ignoring her; I have never seen him do that before. Normally he would at least try to stand up for himself. She then proceeded to pop two of the little white pills in her mouth and swallow them down with the remainder of her glass of wine. Good one mum, take your medication for the pain with wine that will do you a lot of good.

Forgetting about my own search for painkillers I turned and left the room stepping over the fragments of broken plate and down the hall to the front door. I would rather be at school than here. At least there is some normality there.

My head continued to pound the whole way to school making me wish I had stayed a few seconds longer to find those painkillers. As I got closer to the school gates I could make out a tall figure clad completely in black leaning up against the wall in the shadows their hands in their pockets as they stared up at the sky. This instantly put me on edge as images came back to me of strangers watching me from the shadows.

Panic set in as I got closer. He turned round to look in my direction making my heart beat rapidly. He stepped out of the shadows and my nerves instantly decreased as I recognised him, its only Eli. He walked towards me stopping in front of me halting my progress to the school gates.

“Are you OK? What was wrong yesterday?” he asked quietly ignoring the people who were staring as they had to walk round us to get into school.

I instantly took a small step back from him uncomfortable by his closeness and questions. Even if I did talk I wouldn’t tell him. What would he think, my mother is a disgrace. She’s a violent alcoholic. I'm ashamed of my own mother and that’s a terrible thing to be. I shouldn’t be, it’s wrong like being relieved yesterday. But I can’t help it. I gave a small shrug and made my way around his tall frame to the school gates. I heard him sigh behind me but he didn’t follow thank fully.

The corridors seemed noisier this morning as groups of giggling girls stood around gossiping and checking their make up in little compact mirrors. Hmm I wonder what all the fuss is about. Perhaps they are always like this but I have never noticed, I am pretty unobservant these days. Oh well I don’t know and I don’t really care.

However my heart soon sank and I wished I did care and pay more attention as I walked into my first class and saw the message scribbled on the board, photo day. My heart didn’t sink the way other girls would have done if they had forgotten. I don’t care whether or not I have on my best jeans which make my butt look good, why they think it matters I don’t know because they aren’t photographing peoples butts or whether my hair is perfect. No, I wish I had remembered this day so I could have skipped it. I have always hated getting my photo taken and I always will.

I slumped down in my seat desperately clambering around in my mind to come up with an excuse or just anything that is going to get me out of this. I don’t see any point in it, it’s not like my mum wants my school photo unless of course she wants to use it as a coaster for her wine glass.

The teacher came causing all the different conversations to stop.

“As I'm sure you all know today is school photo day so if you would all line up in alphabetical order I shall take you to the assembly hall to await your turn” he said in his usual bored tone.

I rose unsteadily to my feet feeling the familiar panic setting in as I tried to remember my class mates names. Shit I don’t know anyone’s name in this class. I picked up my bag and just tagged on the end of the line hoping to go unnoticed and be able to slip away somewhere. I really should have stayed at home today.

The walk to the assembly hall was short and provided me with no escape route so I remained at the back of the line fiddling with zip on my jacket as panic began to set in. I looked about the big crowded noisy room looking for a way out. I can’t see one but then I can’t see much in here with all the people crowded together. The noise began to rise as everyone talked all at once in the crowded space.

I don’t like this, it’s too crowded. There are too many people. Someone bumped into my shoulder making me flinch and my heart rate to increase even more. I stumbled a few steps back trying to find some space where no one would be touching me. Loud buoyant laughter rang out over the noise making me cringe and images from that night come back to me. The laughter, they all just stood around watching and laughing. My hands began to tremble as I tried to keep a grip on myself and keep myself in the here and now not the past, not that night. I can’t breathe, I'm suffocating in here.

A pair of hands clamped down on my shoulders and spun me around as my legs threatened to give out beneath me.

So I didn't originally plan on leaving it here but i felt like being kinda mean! Who do you all think it is?

The next chapter is al worked out in my head so i just have to get round to typing it up so it will be up in the next few days. I might even write it up tonight and post it tommorrow morning if your all eager for it.

Thank you for all the support i appreaciate every single read!

Dont forget to comment and vote!

XX