I've made a pretty hard decision recently and it was pretty hard to make it but the inevitable has come - resentment.
The decision was made due to all the little things that I wanted to believe before and I definitely don't now.
Stupid little things.
The shirt he wears, the way he speaks with her is exactly the way he speaks with me, he tells me one thing here and another there.
I guess it made me realize I was never as special as I thought. I'm makes me think that I was my worst fear, a substitute body. A way to get relief.
It's very unfair to think this way because I know it was never his intention.
The funniest part is that he could actually read this, but I know he won't. Not until he is with me. Like it or not, he only feels me when he is with me.
He thinks of me at night or once a week, which I guess is much more than I expected.
I knew this was coming and I remained a stupid little weak ass bitch.
None of this is his fault though - I was aware this would happen, I was so sure! Still I allowed myself to do it.
Well, I make a vow to myself right now: I will never let myself be put in this situation again. As a matter of fact, if ever have the ability to avoid feelings I will use it as much as I possibly can!
