Right now I feel so bad... I see people doing all these amazing, wonderful things in life and I feel like I've stopped going forward... I just turned 18 yesterday but I feel awful... I feel like I'm living in a constant state of regret... Regret for things I didn't do, for things that I should be doing... For not trying to be better... I regret all those things, yet, I can't seem to change... Because I am this awful... I don't know what to do... It's like my mind is a blur that just can't focus, I barely know what I have to do... I just know I have to do something and I don't know where to begin... I feel desperate most of the time and I don't even know why... I wish I could do more, I wish I could be smarter, which I could be if I tried... I wish I could be pretty, which I couldn't do even if I tried. I wish I had someone who liked me as much as I like a lot of people who don't even seem to realize how important they are to me. I wish I could stay in one place long enough to make a space for myself in someone's heart. I wish I didn't have to move and find out two weeks later that my supposedly best friend completely replaced me. I wish my ex who was my friend until today didn't ignore me when his girlfriend was around even though she knows we're good friends... Or used to be. I wish I realized the same ex was an asshole a long time ago. I wish I didn't go to sleep thinking about every single thing I would change in my life if I could.
I just wish I liked myself.
