Insanity

The Past.

Credence POV

I don't remember much of my past. It's kind of blurry.

Or rather, that is the lie I tell everybody. Well, those who ask anyway, and they're not lots. No they really aren't, he's just one. He's the only one that asked. And that's the answer I gave him.
I don't know him. He's Mister Graves, that's all I know. I only saw him once. He told me he could help me and that we would meet again. I don't know when.

I loved my family. My father and my mother were really nice. We lived in a little flat, in the center of New York.
My dad had dark brown eyes and jet black hair, a smile that could warm up a whole city. My mom had also jet black hair and eyes of the brightest blue. Never knew a day when she didn't smile.
My dad worked in a canning factory, I remember him saying to my mother that he was dying, there.
Oh, of course he would have never said that in front of me, but the walls were so thin I could hear everything.
My mom didn't work, she stayed with me all day. I think she was ill and that's why she didn't work.
They barely made it and each end of month was a battle. I was too young to realize that sometimes they would skip meals so I could eat.
But I was happy. I don't know if they were. They were really proud of me, proud of this thing I hate the most.
They did not let me play with the other kids. But it didn't matter to me, they hated me anyway. They called me a freak, and they were right but once again, I was too young to realize.
And I had my mother, she played with me, she too had that thing.
Mary Lou calls my mother an unnatural being, calling her insane and abnormal.

As I remember, I really liked playing with my mom, I always had a good time.
But then, it happened.

The man to whom my parents payed their rent came home one day, claiming money. Saying he didn't receive any for two months and that he would be calling the cops and would be evicting us. Dad sent me to my room, but I could still hear everything. At first they stayed calm, my parents explaining that they couldn't make it, that they had barely enough to eat, that he couldn't do that because they had a child. But he didn't care and they all started to shout. I had never heard my dad shouting like that, it was horrifying. I was terrified.

I heard a slap sound then there was a complete silence, and then my dad said, in a really threatening voice that made me shiver.

"How dare you touch my wife ? You're going to regret the day you're born."

Then, more shouting, they were louder. And then loud noises like a beating and my mom crying and shouting them to stop. It was all too much, I knew this was all my fault, that if I hadn't been born this would never have happened.
And I couldn't control it.

I did not even try to control it because I did not know what it was. All became blurry and I just kind of let my rage and fear explode, I crossed the wall and the only thing I remember of them, is their terrified looks. She had a red mark on her cheek and my dad had blood dripping from his mouth and nose. He was holding the collar of the man. But they all stopped what they were doing when they saw me. Then I don't really remember what I did, or what really happened.
Last thing I knew, I was curled up in the middle of what had been our living room, now completely destroyed, walls were destroyed, water from a broken sink was flooding the flat, there was only the soil left. Everything was broken. Walls had almost all disappeared. Two lifeless bodies were lying at my feet, strange scars all over their faces. I don't know where the man's body was.

I stayed like this for two days, crying, starving, dehydrated, afraid. Very afraid. And sad. Really sad. I was young but I understood that my parents would never talk to me again, not that they didn't want to, but that they could not.
And it was all my fault. All because of this thing inside of me. This thing I couldn't control.

Then she came. She was nice to me at first.

"Hey, my boy, won't you come with me ? They will not wake up, I'm sorry I can't help." She smiled.

"It's going to be alright, come with me, you must be starving... I'll help you."

I did not really have the choice, I was kind of trapped. But this was the only opportunity I had not to let myself die or to let this thing kill me.

She presented herself, Mary Lou Barebone, and her daughter, Chastity Barebone. She gave me a new name, Credence. Since then, my name is Credence Barebone. She explained everything to me, about wizardry and why it should be destroyed. I never told her how my parents died even if she often asked. I understood that I should never tell her what was inside of me, and that whatever it is, I should get rid of it. But I had no idea how and sometimes, I couldn't help it, strange things happened. Once, she yelled at me, it happened so often since, that I can't remember why, all the leaflets were thrown like magic in the air and destroyed themselves. She looked at me with fear and hatred. And then she began to beat me for anything I did wrong, and when I didn't do anything she would come up with senseless reasons. She beats me almost every week. To humiliate me more, she asks me to take off my belt and to hand it to her so she can beat me with it to blood.

I don't know if I like her. She gives me a bed, food and warmth in winter. She learned me that I was a bad thing and that it was normal to punish me, even if I did nothing wrong. Because she knew I had this thing inside of me. I don't explode inside of the house now, so she thinks that the thing is gone. But it's not. I'm causing mayhem in the city and people are beginning to ask questions, it appears in newspapers. And Ma talks about it during her meetings, not knowing that the thing she tries to eradicate is just me.

I don't want to hurt anyone. I just hate myself. I hate myself so much I want to run away and never go back, and that's what I do when the thing takes over. But I never go too far, I must remember that Ma helped me seeing I was evil and that she helps me fight it every day.

She adopted Modesty not long ago, well, she calls her Modesty. But I'm not sure that's her true name because she answers one time out of three to it.
She is really nice to me, she's the highlight of my lowlife. Ma is treating her differently, she gets away with anything, but I'm glad she does so she does not suffer the beating. She does not deserve those. I do.