Right Through Me

Things always get worse, before they get better.

            Three months have past since Mino found about my depression. Every time I wake up in the middle of the night, he hugs me and lets me cry it out. His soothing words help me to fall back to sleep and calms me down for the next three nights or so.

    I have to say: in those three months, I've done a lot of thinking. I've been thinking about the good times and the bad times, the love and the hate, and Auska.

     It's funny. I couldn't stand the thought of ever thinking about what he did to me without breaking down. But, now I can. And I've been in a happier mood because of it.

     I think the others have noticed my change of mood because every time I walk into the room, they all look at me curiously. Yet, they never say anything. They just smile and laugh with me.

       I love my little family.

      "Alex?" I feel a tug on my sleeve. I look away from the window and stare at Yamato. I smile.

    "What's up, Kid?" I say. Yamato gives me a small smile.

    "Can we hang out today? Just you and me?" He asks softly. I raise an eyebrow at him and he looks down.

    "Sure, we can hangout. Wanna go to the park and get some ice cream?" He looks back up at me and nods his head. I get up and pat his head, closing my eyes and smiling down at him.

    "Alright then! Go get ready and meet me down here when you're done, okay?"

    He nods his head and walks out of the room, calling to Mino that we were going to get ice cream. As soon as he's out of my sight, i frown a bit. Something's bothering him...

    I stretch and walk out the room. He'll probably tell me later.

~~~~~~~~

             "How's the ice cream?" I ask, licking my mint chocolate chip. He smiles up at me and gives me a thumbs up, biting into his own mint chocolate chip. I giggle at him.

     "That's great! I think I've gotten you hooked onto this flavor." He chuckles and nods his head.

    "Yeah, you did." I takes another bite of his ice cream and closes his eyes. I smile and look around.

      Yamato said he wanted to go someplace quiet, so I took him to the pond. It was the quietest place I knew. Plus, it was a gorgeous day and no one was really here.

     It wasn't long before we had finished our ice cream, but we didn't move from the bench. It was peaceful, just sitting here looking at the pond. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I feel Yamato tug on my sleeve. I look down at him.

    "What's wrong, Yamato?"

   He just stares up at me, his expression free of any emotion. I raise an eyebrow at him and stare back.

    ".....is there something wrong?" I ask. He still doesn't say anything and just stares up at me. Okay, this is starting to get creepy.

     We continue to stare at each other, not saying a word. Hmm, I wonder what he's thinking. After what seems like forever, he frowns a little.

    "How can you do that?" He asks. Huh? I blink down at him with confusion.

    "How can I do what?" His eyes search my face.

    "How can you be so happy? After all that happened to you, how can you still have that smile on your face? Even when you were with that guy, you always put on a smile, why?" He asks. I look at him, then out at the pond. I don't say anything for a few seconds and I close my eyes.

    "....You don't have to answer, if you don't want-"

   "No, it's okay. Just give me a sec." I interrupt, my eyes still closed. I thought about my answer. A smile slowly spreads across my lips.

    "Why not smile?" I ask.

    "What do you mean?" He sounds confused. I open my eyes and look him in the eyes.

   "I mean: why not smile? My mother always told me that even when things get hard, it's always best to look on the bright side." I say. He frowns at me.

     "But, how can you look on the bright side of things when there's so many things going wrong?" I raise an eyebrow, my smile never wavering.

     "That's the thing: things may be wrong right now, but they will be right. My mother always said 'things will get worse, before they get good. And when they're good, they'll get better' and it's true." I close my eyes again. I feel him shift next to me.

     "Do you believe in that?" I open one eye and look at him.

    "Of course I do. You've witnessed it for yourself." He blinks up at me in confusion.

    "You mean when we saw Auska abusing you?" He asks. I nod my head and close my eye again.

    "Then, is this the 'better' for you?" I shake my head.

   "Nope. This is the 'good'." I say.

   "Huh? How do you know?" I open my eyes and look out at the pond.

     "When I was with Auska, I knew that was a bad situation. When you guys found out he was abusing me, to the point of almost dying, that was the worst.....but, this? This is the good. The better will come soon, I can feel it. And when it gets here, I'll be the happiest I've ever been." I say. He's silent for a few minutes, then rests his head on my arm.

   "Aren't you happy now? Don't we make you happy?" He asks softly. I lightly giggle and wrap my arm around him.

    "Of course you do. You all make me happy, you're my family!"

    "Then how will you be happier when 'it' comes?" He looks up at me and I look down at him. My smile widens and I hug him tighter.

   "Because when 'it' comes, it won't just make me happy. It'll make everyone happy." I pick him up and squish our cheeks together. He yelps and I laugh.

    "When it gets better, it won't just be for me. It's for everyone! You are my family! You, Mino and the guys! You all will share the joy I will feel!" I kiss his cheeks and he blushes. He tries to wiggle out of my arms.

    "Alex! Gross! Stop it!" He whines. I laugh and put him down, but I don't let go of his hands.

    "And until that day comes, I will never stop smiling through that pain. Because I know that things will get better."