The Inducer [18+ Only]

Chapter Fifteen: Not Since You

Chapter Fifteen: Not Since You

          "To make love to her is what I'm longing, to look into her beautiful grey eyes that will always be my craving and to be with her again is what I know is destined." - August 29, 2016, CLarves.

With a long exhale, I closed the book with dreads of my depression.

I had been reading our journal as it was instructed. It made everything around me feel like a bliss hence my over exaggerated depression.

That was the last scribbling that Carlos wrote.

How was I even in this situation? I had to ask myself everyday to not think I was in some twisted game.

Why did he came back and why did I fall all over again?

Tori, you never fell out of love for Tony and Carlos is the same man.

Why couldn't Joshua be everything I was longing for?

August. I had no clue Carlos still felt for me. All we did was text occasionally and he gave no signs of it a way. We were just the typical casual friends.

Calling him Tony wouldn't work for me anymore since I had gotten so accustom to his real name.

And as I ponder to myself about his last entry, I thought back and realized that I came here around three days before September started basically just as school started back, so that meant Carlos ...oh Carlos

The guy who I gave my purity, came back to claim me as his once more. I couldn't reject him just as much as I couldn't hurt Joshua like that.

My inner self must had been extremely exhausted with me. It was like a battling war for the past month, I really didn't know what I wanted but somewhere far in my head I knew what I needed.

Could you actually believe that it had been two going to three months since I had stepped foot into the same house as the man that I kept on hankering for since that night in the club? The man I was oblivious to because I didn't realize he was my Tony.

The last encounter I had with Carlos was when he gave me the Journal I had in my hand. It was hard seeing those pictures of us and reading every grit of his feelings for the past couple of years without me.

That was a month and two weeks now.

I heard my phone sounded and I saw that it was a text from Josh, a sad smile crept upon my lips. Our relationship was a rocky one. After the whole Diner fiasco, we hadn't spoken well. He still tried but I would shut him out. I was trying to make our relationship drift but even if Josh realized what I was doing, he sure played ignorant because he was hell bent that I had nowhere going.

This was going to be difficult for me.

I didn't love Joshua but with the little good in my heart, how could I hurt him like that? Only God knew my struggle.